More painful: Kick in the nuts or childbirth?

No doubt, childbirth wins. The only kick I've ever taken to the nuts was by my 3-year-old. It was still bad, but not a full on nasty. I have taken a lacrosse ball to the nether regions.

But no way that hurt the way my wife was hurting giving birth.

And sportschick is partially right. Men as we are would not be able to handle childbirth. But if we were the ones bearing children, we'd be the ones given the capacity to do so. Call it the grand plan or just nature.

 

So I guess if I get married and my wife goes into labor, I should let her kick me in the nads. Seems only right. Course, if I'm married and fathering a human being, then there's a lot more problems in the world than my ding-dong injury.

 

Once had a stupid fucking attackman samurai sword the tip of my dick. Only time I've cried on a playing field.

 

And this is why you don't play Calvinball with people with vivid imaginations.

 

At least then I could have made up my own rules and done whatever I wanted to get back at him. Oh wait, I did. Lacrosse is a beautiful game. When else is it legal to hit someone with a six-foot long metal pole?

 

I was told that too while my gall bladder was repaying me for the fast food, and for my family's history of gall bladder issues. Can't say I'll bring it up to a pregnant lady ever, but the great pain I felt from that damn thing certainly scared the hell out of my wife.

Usually the only lingering issue from the nut shot is pride (though a high school friend of my brother's lost a testicle after falling while doing the high hurdles in a track meet. We joked to his girlfriend that she should verify the rumors for us, but she was 15 and he was the first guy she ever slept with, so she said she couldn't tell. She was kind of a dunce).

The act of childbirth lasts a long time; labor can last for many hours. Things heal up afterwards, but labor doesn't go away because you took a deep breath and crouched for a minute.

We should answer this question. Next guy on SportsJournalists.com whose wife is pregnant, have someone kick you in the nuts right when her labor starts, and see whose pain goes away quicker.

 

Sportschick's post reminded me of something a Catholic woman I know said years ago: If men could have babies, abortion would be a sacrament.

 

Man knows of what he speaks.

Senior year of high school, 1:30 in the morning, after having puked enough for three people, laying on the front porch in agony, feeling as if an extraterrestrial being is going to burst out of my abdomen a la Alien, wishing the Lord would take me now as my mother is on the phone inside, awaiting approval from the fucking insurance company to take me to an ER.

Would have traded that for a swift kick to the groin in a heartbeat.

 

As bad as my appendicitis was, and trust me it was really, really bad, my first kidney stone was worse. My second kidney stone, which was nowhere near as bad, my girlfriend answered the door for the paramedics and said, "He's in there, I think he's dying."

 

My mom's secretary has had both, kidney stones and childbirth. She says the stones are worse.

However, I once read an article that says a chemical is released during childbirth... it's like an "amnesia hormone"... and a reaction occurs that makes the woman "forget" the pain. If this biochemical reaction didn't occur, supposedly nobody would do it more than once.

 

Surprised no guy has yet mentioned catching the frank and/or beans with your zipper. Until you get free, you're almost praying for death because of the combination of pain and utter vulnerability.