Michael Irvin Is a Moron

Irvin has the street cred of being a barely literate buffoon who liked the coke and the hookers, a chair every NFL studio show needs to fill...

 

How are his tits?

 

Oh my god, you're so fucking witty. You must be a hit at dinner parties, telling the same lame joke for 20 years. I bet you got a lot of great golf stories about your ball landing in the road.

 

I've missed you.

 

I'm sure your sleep-inducing posts about political correctness have kept everyone riveted in my absence.

 

Can we go on a road trip together?

 

Sure. It'll be just like "Vacation," with you in the role of Aunt Edna or her dog.

 

I know it will disappoint you, but my tits won't be as nice as hers.

 

Don't sell yourself short, you can always get them augmented.

 

And then you'll like me?

 

no, because you'd still be the literal embodiment of tits on a bull: useless.

 

Well, shoot.