Men have no friends and rely on women to do the emotional labor

That's the take from Harper's.

How Men Became "Emotional Gold Diggers" — Men Have No Friends and Women Bear the Burden

There are men on here. Is this true? Do you find this to be true? And, if so, do you find it to be true due to toxic masculinity?

As the story progresses, it's interesting: It kinda/sorta argues men should process things...just like women. And have friends for the same purposes women do. And that, in doing such, one of the big net benefits is to the men's partners, who are women.

Shame, Brené Brown found in her years of research, is the single biggest cause of toxic masculinity. Whereas women experience shame when they fail to meet unrealistic, conflicting expectations, men become consumed with shame for showing signs of weakness. Since vulnerability is, unfortunately, still perceived as a weakness instead of a strength, having hard conversations that involve vulnerability is something men often try to avoid. It’s for this reason that to yield positive results from men’s support groups, men must enter such groups with that very intention—not just to find buddies.

Whether they’re members of small groups like Shepherd’s or more mainstream groups like Stephen’s, the men I spoke to all agreed on one thing: that these groups made them better partners to the women in their lives. And it’s not just men saying this. I witnessed my friend Liz’s marriage strengthen after her husband, Randy, co-founded a men’s group with his best friend three years ago that offers a confidential, neutral space for men in their isolated New England town to share their fears without judgment.

“This isn’t him going to grab a beer with guys. He’s going to find psychological and emotional support from men who understand his problems,” Liz explains. “They’re not just getting together to have a bitch fest, gossip, or complain about their lives. They’re super intentional about what they’re talking about, why, and what’s important to them.”

I found the prescriptive - to not be an emotional gold digger, do friendship this way - a little alarming.

 

I'm trying to come up with a deeper pit of hell than a "men's support group." I'm not finding one, except maybe a men's group that involves drumming.

 

/would like a word

 

I've personally blamed Clint Eastwood movies for my generation's inability/reluctance to share emotions/feelings - but do I get credit that I did it when I was talking to a therapist?

 

Well, maybe Harper's would say it's OK to have beer at it. So long as having the beer never got in the way of the support.

 

Something tells me 20% of these meetings happen around 1 or 4:30 pm on Sunday.

 

My approach to life has been I’m secure in my manliness whatever it may be; I wear “female” colors (pink, pastels,), I am not afraid to cry, I admit I have fears. I was lucky, my mom is/was a rock, she’s 5’ 100 lbs but she took sh*t from no one, even though she was a young divorcee in the 60s/70s who was also a chinese immigrant with only a HS diploma after running from the Japanese army in WWII. My sister was strong too so that’s all I knew.

If the groups give men an outlet to share their weaknesses and get stronger great. I’m all for it.

 

Oh for fuck's sake.

Men have no friends ... but Randy and his BEST FRIEND founded the men's group that turned around his life.