Megan Fox must hate kittens

Oh, there's no blame. It's more appreciation than anything.

 

I am large.

She is not.

If given the opportunity, I would fuck the stuffing out of her.

 

I think your true calling is not as a surgeon but as a greeting card writer, Chef.

 

Hallmark has nothing on Ye Olde Chef.

 

I hope you make your own cards for your wife.

Hell I hope you make YOUR own cards for Father's Day and the like, and give them to your wife to sign.

Front: HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO THE GREATEST DAD AND HUSBAND IN THE WORLD

Inside left: I don't need a Sunday in June to remind me how wonderful and important you are to me and our son...

Inside right: ...but for one day a year, at least, I can bring you breakfast in bed and suck your dick as you watch the Royals game.

Love, Mrs. Chef

 

I was thinking of a more intimate setting on the front, of a flower garden that says......

(Ahem)

"Roses are red........violets are blue"

(Open card to inside)

"Now go drop the kid off at my parents, so we can go screw"

 

"Mommy why did Daddy tell you to pick up pop rocks? And why are you driving 100 mph to grandma's?"

 

First off, those pictures are MEH at best. She looked much much hotter in Transformers IMHO.

As for the above greeting card suggestions, how's this......

Front of card: "Roses are red, Violets are blue."

Inside of card: "So let's be patriotic and paint that face white."

 

MEH at best?

Let's get you to the ER for an eye exam, stat. [/cross-threading]

 

Nicely done. I'm not saying she wasn't hot, I'm just saying the pictures didn't really do it for me. Picture 2 looks like a body suit. Maybe it is. I don't know.

I'd still break that chick though.