May you all enjoy a fun, safe Independence Day

Honestly, it never occurred to me that this pet/fireworks thing was so universal until Facebook. Including Moddy himself, I've seen five references.

Yeah, the codas didn't have a very enjoyable night. And by 10:30, the old man was ready to tell those kids to get off not only my lawn, but any lawns in a 5-mile radius.

 

Old Tony just went boner again.

 

Nah. But I did celebrate Independence Day by taking part in a parade with my local GOP state Assemblyman, giving pocket-schedule handouts along the parade route. A very fine day.

 

Well 53% of you anyway.

 

Old Tony just went boner again.

 

July 4th is also a time to celebrate bankrupting the French monarchy.

 

I love that my current state of residence is always railing against not doing fireworks on public land, which is a euphemism for a shit load of dry brush just begging for a burnt out firework husk or a still-smoldering cigarette butt, and yet state lawmakers have not banned the sale of fireworks. The stands are all over the place. One guy set a stand up in my driveway this year, and I don't even get a cut.

Every year, I wrote the same tired stories about firework safety and how to not burn down thousands of acres of land. A day later, I wrote stories on all the fires that mysteriously popped up and the response by BLM fire crews.

The Fourth is mostly an excuse used by many to justify a long weekend of binge drinking. I stopped by Walmart to refill a prescription (sue me, it's close to the house) Thursday afternoon, and the checkout lines were packed with people, their carts filled with multiple cases of cheap, shitty beer. This tells me two things: to stay the hell away from the lakes and rivers for the next few days, and there will be a lot of hungover assholes driving campers down out of the mountains on Sunday morning.

Other things bemuse me as well. Yes, I wrote bemused twice on purpose. My wife comes from one of those tiny towns that still manages to put on its own celebrations while many other places have consolidated resources with other towns to have more of a community shindig regarding parades and fireworks. I'm sitting there watching this parade and wondering if I'm the only one who finds the whole tradition absurd. There's the rural fire department engine, a county sheriff's deputy patrol car, a few horses, random vehicles with red/white/blue streamers. No marching band. And here's the biggest question: how can even the smallest town still find Shriners and those little go-karts? And did the city pay for all that taffy? Why is all this necessary for the community to feel good about itself and bring the people together? The annual fair does the same thing, it just doesn't revolve around a holiday.

I'm just a cynical asshole who thinks too much.

 

Blasphemy, you Pinko Commie rat! It's our birthday to celebrate living off of government services!

 

But you didn't, actually. What happened?
Did you get sidetracked by cheap, shitty beer?

 

No, cheap bourbon.