Man card burning party, my house tonight!

I debated going there Ace, but I'm all about helping my fellow man here. A really uncommon act of unselfishness on my part. If I ruined anyone else's vicarious life, well, sorry. Wasn't part of the equation.

 

So noted, Mr. Unintential Vicarious Buzzkill.

Jay seems like he's wound pretty tight over this anyway. I don't think he's getting any.

 

Toilet seat down, toilet paper full.

Of course, after this weekend, it looks like you'll lose the ability to pee standing up anyway.

 

You know, it took a solid five minutes to understand the towel by the bed line.

Then I read Jones and his heart-making advice. Solid, solid stuff.

I am much like the kid in Super Troopers after he swallowed all the drugs.
"I am really freaking out."
Things have went so fan-diddly-tastic so far, I don't want to screw anything up. There's talk, just talk mind you, of meeting her family next weekend. Her niece is having a birthday party and, maybe, just maybe, I might be invited.

 

Real American hero ....
Mr. Unintended Vicarious Buzzkiller ...
(he's mr. cockblocker's cousin)

 

Maybe the weekend after that, you can pick out curtains together.

 

Are you looking for a girlfriend or a beard?

 

Has anybody suggested "superman dat ho" yet?

 

Don't talk about meeting the family if you two haven't had a sleepover yet.

 

Frank: I told my wife I wouldn't drink tonight. Besides, I got a big day tomorrow. You guys have a great time.
College Student: A big day? Doing what?
Frank: Well, um, actually a pretty nice little Saturday, we're going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if we'll have enough time.

 

On Saturday night, take her to a bar and let her help you scout out a woman for a threesome. That will show that you value her opinion.

 

Or register at Bed, Bath and Beyond and Macy's..... Whoa, Nellie! Let's perhaps slow this horse down a bit--let's try and survive the weekend first.

Also, if you do visit the relatives, do not eat any eclairs or other desserts placed in the garbage. Even if it is above the rim.

Oh, and I'd try and go light on the Ned Flanders talk. Real light.