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Making amends via Facebook...

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by Mizzougrad96, Oct 10, 2013.

  1. Mizzougrad96

    Mizzougrad96 Active Member

    Shortly after I joined Facebook in 2007 or so, I got a friend request from an ex-girlfriend, someone who I had not seen since 1992. We'd had a messy breakup where she had cheated on me, but it was hardly a blip on the radar 15 years later.

    She friended me, I accepted, we traded pleasantries about our kids.

    She then said, "Look, it's always bothered me what I did to you all those years ago."

    I said, "I assure you, you were forgiven a long time ago."

    I found out a couple months later that she had breast cancer. She survived, but had a double mastectomy. She's doing well and we've stayed in touch, just typical FB stuff, commenting on how quickly kids grow up etc...

    A couple weeks ago I got an FB friend request from someone who I hadn't seen since I was 13. In grade school, he was one of my best friends and was without question the best athlete in my class. I think I played baseball with him for five years and Pop Warner for four. Then in 7th grade he started drinking a lot and I, and several other people, started steering clear of him. He got mad and came after me at one point, kicked my ass... Again, not earth-shattering stuff. We moved to a new school at the end of seventh grade and I never saw the guy again...

    I get this message last week:

    Hey its been 25 years and I was such a prick. I wanted to tell how sorry I was for being such a jerk. I know how it may sound but you got out of here just in time. When I was 15 I became an alcoholic and a drug addict. Life was one big party. Live to get high and get high to live. I had anger issues and wasn't a happy person. Over time, I became depressed. I excelled on baseball until I was 18. Then I was spun out everyday for the next 4 years. In 96' I realized I had no friends and alone. I joined the Marine Corps. By that time
    I was so fried you would have thought I was mentally retarded. I couldn't speak a complete sentence and shuddered trying to get words. Through the physical fatigue of training, it took nearly 3 years to get my mechanical skills back. Being the MC, I fit right in. Over the course of time I grew quiet and withdrawn. I have lived all over the world and had a chance to become a family man. Then 3 years ago I had a life changing accident. I lost the top of my rt. Hand. I had 4 years clean and sober. Since then I've had ups and downs. I have 2 beautiful little girls Autumn (7) and Willow(4). I feel a lot better knowing that you're in a good place. You always had a big heart and loving family to be there. I lost both parents in 2000. My brother became a contractor. I have bounced around hitchhiking America and playing golf. But in the 12- step program of being an alcoholic in recovery you must make amends with all those you have harmed. My friend "I am sorry, not just for the way I treated you but for not finding you earlier to apologize." Now that doesn't mean I'm a wimp. Lol. no it means I have always considered you as one of my best friends and realize that maybe this was the way life was meant for us. You look happy and I'm sure your still an intelligent, mischievous person. And hour boys look just like you. Kudos to you and may life be fulfilling for you and your family. You are more than welcome to hit me for anything.

    I know this is what people are supposed to do for AA, but has anybody else ever gotten anything like this?

    Truly strange stuff...
  2. poindexter

    poindexter Well-Known Member

    Is this sports or news?
  3. jr/shotglass

    jr/shotglass Well-Known Member

    Really, poin? That's all you have? This is apparently a pretty serious issue to him. I don't give a shit if it's sports, news or living.

    Mizzou, I think I'd feel a lot better if the guy who terrorized me when I was 13 were to finally apologize.
  4. Buck

    Buck Well-Known Member


    In 2006 I said something pretty terrible to you on this forum. I am truly sorry.

    At the time I was a drunk and recreational drug user. I had some anger issues.

    All of that is still true, but I am sorry.
  5. Moderator1

    Moderator1 Moderator Staff Member

    Two truths passed on by my late father:

    *It is never too late to say you are sorry.

    *It never hurts to say you're sorry, even if you aren't.

    No advice on what you do with it or how to proceed.
  6. Has it happened to me? No.
    Have I been that guy - the guy who sends those wronged an apology via Facebook - who apologizes for misdeeds oh so many years ago? Yep.

    Earlier this summer I sent an apology to a high school kid I used to run around with.
    I got shit-faced playing golf with some friends one summer day and wrecked a golf cart. Did some damage to the bumper. I got in trouble for it and had to pay ($125) for the damage. I blamed one of my friends, who was playing in another foursome for ratting me out. Held a grudge against him for almost 18 years, even though he and others denied he did anything.
    I apologized to him to for 1: thinking he had ratted me out and for not believing him and others and 2: MORE importantly, I apologized for blaming him for the fact that my actions were the cause of the problem. Whether he told or not, It was MY fault. I was sorry had blamed him.

    Since I have been on FB I also apologized to two ex-girlfriends for the way I treated them.

    I am FB friends with none of those three people, but I saw them on there and wanted to make amends.
  7. spikechiquet

    spikechiquet Well-Known Member

    The technology is there to be used. Think of how much this means to this guy to be able to get a hold of you and do this.

    I've been able to connect with friends (and family) via facebook and make stronger connections because of it.

    Time to start a clean slate and try to be friends again. Good luck to the both of you!
  8. BurnsWhenIPee

    BurnsWhenIPee Well-Known Member

    Not via Facebook, but something sort of similar.

    A young lady and I were great friends in college, then dated awhile, then both realized we were better off as friends. Remained really, really close friends, hanging out with each other during the school year, visiting each other during the summer, tell each other anything type of friends.

    Then all of a sudden, she stopped returning calls. If I saw her on campus or out and about, she'd just give me a curt "Hi" and go in the other direction, that kind of stuff. Saw her at a mutual friend's wedding right after graduation and she wouldn't even look at me. I invited her to my wedding about a year after that, no reply. I heard she got married, no invitation or anything. Have no idea what happened, but I wrote her off.

    Then about 15 years down the road, she somehow tracked me down after a couple of job moves and sent a letter (sort of the pre-Facebook life update) about what she's doing, how great her husband is, how she has 6 kids and would love to hear back from me. I tossed the letter. Just got an e-mail at work from her, with about the same content, how fantastic her life and kids are and what a great job her husband has, and how she's interested in how I'm doing.

    Maybe I'm being petty, but I could care less. For some reason, she wanted the friendship to end. As far as I'm concerned, it's over and there's no reason to start it up again.
  9. Moderator1

    Moderator1 Moderator Staff Member

    Is she the reason it burns when you pee?

    If so, stick to your guns.

    If not, let it go. Sack up and reply. Life's too short.
  10. BurnsWhenIPee

    BurnsWhenIPee Well-Known Member

    Don't think so, but the thought crossed my mind. As did the possibility of a bastard child.

    I agree life is too short. But I can barely find the time I'd like to spend with my wife, kids and friends these days. Rekindling some friendship with someone that (sorry) I hadn't thought about in 10 years falls pretty far down on the list of things I'm interested in.

    Like I said, probably pretty petty of me.
  11. Alma

    Alma Well-Known Member

    I agree.

    Respond to one, kindly, end it with something along the lines of "glad to hear you're doing well, take care" and if another comes, well, you already told her to take care.
  12. Alma

    Alma Well-Known Member

    If it's AA, not that strange. It probably seems like it is because the Internet and Facebook is more intimate, and allows the person to know things about you that, if you're just writing a letter, they wouldn't know.
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