Make sense of this news story

I blame a bad translation.

 

But "sssssss" followed by multiple bitings means the cobra wants to be taken. And bitten.
But wear a condom, you disease-ridden bastard.

 

I'm not a disease-ridden bastard! I ALWAYS rubber up when I fuck loose snakes.

 

Oh, that's right. You're a disease-riding bastard. My mistake.
Remind me not to hiss at you.

 

Unavailable for comment.

COBRA!

 

If it's a photo on the internet it must be true and accurate, right?

 

That is the most disturbing picture I've ever seen. And 12 years ago I saw the AP photos from Indonesia of a dude -- like, a full-grown man -- half-eaten by a giant anaconda.

 

C'mon. The dude in that photo has muscles where muscles don't even exist.

 

You're just underdeveloped.

Seriously though, if that's fake, it's a pretty good fake. If it's real, it's fucking disgusting and I'm sure he has since kicked the oxygen habit.

 

I was reading this thread and planned on going to lunch after. Now, not so hungry.

 

What's the matter? Snake got your tongue?

 

I'M TIRED OF THESE MUTHAFUCKIN' SNAKES IN MY MUTHAFUCKIN' BRAIN!