Love Monkey

http://www.planostar.com/articles/2007/03/27/plano_star-courier/news/00000001news.txt (via The Obscure Store)

Confiscated monkey sent sexually explicit audio tapes by Plano owner

A Plano resident allegedly sent his male monkey a sexually explicit audio tape while the animal was in custody at the Living Materials Center (LMC), according to LMC staff.

Darwin, a Rhesus Macaque Monkey, was confiscated by animal services on Feb. 21 after police found illegal animals in owner Bobby Denton Crawford Jr.’s home.
...
After listening to the tape, Dunlap said Crawford made references to Darwin and himself engaging in mutual stimulation.

Four animal services officers spent more than an hour Friday trying to coax Darwin into an animal carrier before finally tranquilizing the monkey.

“(Darwin) is very dangerous,” said Amy Early, one of the Plano Animal Services Officers who transported Darwin. “(Rhesus Macaque Monkeys) will go straight for your face and tear into you. They have the strength of six men and inch-and-a-half incisors.”

 

Which, strangely, is what attracted Bobby Denton Crawford Jr. in the first place.

 

That naughty monkey needs a good spanking.

 

UPDATE: There's a journalism angle
http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/latestnews/stories/032707dnmetplanomonkey.25c130e.html

The head of a Plano school district facility that houses exotic animals said Monday he fears for his professional future there after saying he believed that a local pet owner was having sexual relations with his rhesus macaque monkey.
...
In an interview Monday with The Dallas Morning News, Mr. Dunlap said he had been going through "holy hell" over the story. He said the Star Courier reported information that was "off the record and not to be printed."
...
Mr. Crawford said he did send a tape for the monkey to listen to, but that he was probably crying when he recorded it and that it contains nothing but comforting baby talk. He said there was nothing sexually suggestive on the tape and called Mr. Dunlap's initial conclusion "ridiculous."

"I don't have sex with my monkey. That's absolute crap," Mr. Crawford said. "Why would I do that? I gave him an audiotape, but it didn't have anything like that on it. It said, 'I'm coming home, I'm coming to get you. Daddy's coming, he's coming to get you,' " Mr. Crawford said.

Mr. Dunlap said that he made a "gross error" and that his interpretation of the tape was just that – his and no one else's.

"I interpreted what I heard and saw in my own way, and I can't say that's correct. It's just me, what I think. I can't argue with Mr. Crawford about what he meant," Mr. Dunlap said. "I took it on surface value about what he said. I just don't want to deal with it anymore. He may be totally honest and right in what he thinks about the way he sounded."

 

I thought for sure this would be a d_b thread about that great new show on CBS starring Jason Priestley and the guy from "Ed."

 

Not even boots can make up stuff like this.

I think what made Mr. Dunlap certain some monkey panky was going on was when the guy ended the tape by saying "It's rolling, baby."