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Looking for some feeback

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by bartlett4a, Oct 4, 2010.

  1. bartlett4a

    bartlett4a New Member

    Hey everyone,

    I was hoping to receive some feedback/constructive criticism on some articles I've written. First some background. I'm a junior at UVa, working for the student newspaper--the Cavalier Daily. I was on the Women's Tennis beat last spring, and now I'm both writing a weekly column and covering Women's Soccer, because we don't have enough people with experience on the staff (and apparently covering Women's Tennis counts as experience).

    With Tennis, there were 6 matches going on at once, and the stories weren't on deadline--the recap of the Sunday match was in the Tuesday paper, because Women's Tennis is a pretty low priority. Soccer is the first time I've actually had to meet a deadline, actually describe the action and write at the game in the Press Box.

    The following is my recap from last night, and my column from last week.


  2. Stitch

    Stitch Active Member

    Why is there a women's tennis beat? And why are you writing college football columns if you are on another beat?
  3. bartlett4a

    bartlett4a New Member

    I honestly couldn't tell you why there is a women's tennis beat, but that's what I was assigned, so that's what I covered.

    In terms of column topics, I'm actually not allowed to write a column about what I cover--don't want something I write there pissing off a coach, I guess. For bigger beats, like football, basketball, baseball, lax, mens soccer, etc, there are two "beat" guys, one who writes the recaps and previews, and one who writes the columns.

    In addition to those based on beats, there are four or five general columnists, who write on whatever they want. Most of these are aspiring ESPN columnists, who are writing NFC East previews and about the baseball pennant races. Seems pretty ridiculous to me. I've tried to write about things specific to UVA, like the football and field hockey teams after going to specific games. This is my first more general column, but I at least tried to tie it in to some kind of reporting by talking about the JMU stuff.
  4. mustangj17

    mustangj17 Active Member

    That gamer is really long. Also, you should try to lose the word literally in the column. You don't need hyperbole there.

    Anyway, your main point of the story is that college football is better than pro football because pro football will also be there for you. Yet, you don't mention this until the second to last graph.
  5. swamp trash

    swamp trash Guest

    Your stuff is good. I would hire you in a heartbeat if I could.

    The column is solid, but this sentence is not needed: "That got me thinking. Perhaps, at the end of the day, college football is better than pro football. So I decided to do some comparisons between the two."

    Your previous sentence flows perfectly into the rest of the column. It's already a great transition. No need to overexplain things.

    The gamer is rock-solid. Only thing I don't care for is the "The Eagles were constantly challenging..." part.

    Just go past tense, it's much cleaner: "The Eagles constantly challenged Virginia all over the field, putting pressure on the Cavaliers’ back line on every pass."

    Good work though, you have some talent and a good eye. Can't ask for more than that in a young writer.
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