Local Water Tower Marks 50th Year As Repository Of Information On Who's A Slut

I checked for a d_b, and if it is, I offer no apologies. What a great piece of "writing" by The Onion.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/local-water-tower-celebrates-50th-year-as-reposito,17958/

 

Superb.

 

"This unique public forum has immortalized the names of all those who demonstrated in one way or another that they were a slut, a whore, or—after 1984—a skank."

Brilliant

 

"Take, for example, a 1964 message near the reservoir ladder, where in large red letters we can read that Cindy Davis takes it in the ass all night long," Torcello said. "Now, walk around to the south leg and you'll see words spray-painted some 23 years later that indicate her daughter, Becky Davis, takes it in the ass like a pro. That kind of insight into familial legacy is simply unprecedented."

 

" "It's a community bulletin board open to anyone," said Rachel Sorenson, president of the Concordia Historical Society. "Granted, there are a few outdated phone numbers on there, but when there's a mistake, someone will invariably cross out the wrong name and replace it with the right one."

"In fact, the only completely inaccurate information I'm aware of is a message dating back to 1978 stating that 'Rachel Sorenson sucks cock behind the DQ,'" Sorenson added."

 

That's the best part.

Water towers across the country laugh at Topix.com.

 

great post. seriously: one of the best-written pieces i've seen in a long time. and the kicker? incredible.

 

This is one of the better efforts, which is saying a lot.

 

http://www.theonion.com/articles/what-are-our-favorite-winefood-pairings,17376/

 

"Are Tests Biased Against Students Who Don't Give a Shit?"


God, I wish I had 1/100th of the creativity those writers have. Long live the Onion.

 

Great stuff, as usual, from The Onion.

One of my all-time favorites: Jesus returns to the NBA, written about the time Michael Jordan did the same:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/christ-returns-to-nba,1996/

A great quote from the "story":

 

I can't find it in their archive, but my all-time fave was a op-ed from Sting. The lead was something along the lines of "You know some thing, I used to kind of rock. I know you're thinking that Sting, the man who wrote Starting a Brand New Day and Fields of Glory, could never rock. Believe, I'm surprised as you are." The story then goes into having him go to a convenience store where the kid behind the counter was playing a pseudo punk/ska band too loud, and then three days later while reading an article in the Guardian about a police dog did he realize the band was the Police. He then had to find his old records, and came to the conclusion he used to rock.