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Living with depression

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by Dyno, Feb 29, 2012.

  1. Dyno

    Dyno Well-Known Member

    I wasn't sure which board to post this on, but since we've had several threads here on depression, I thought this might be best.

    Mike Cranston, former AP writer in Charlotte, wrote a very powerful Tumblr post on his depression, suicidal thoughts and seeking treatment:

    Living With Depression

    It was a couple days after my latest drunken escapade of stupidity and recklessness when I determined I had reached the end. The latest embarrassment — yet another angry rant — so compromised my reporting career that in my severely warped mind I became convinced there was nothing else left to do.

    I would finally kill myself.

    This time, all the pain and anger would mercifully stop.

    I’ll never forget the sense of calm that enveloped me that early morning in July as I gathered everything that was property of The Associated Press — laptop, cell phone, etc. — and climbed into my car. I drove to the bureau office, numbingly wrote a letter of resignation, pressed send, turned out the lights and left.

    Next stop: the county sheriff’s office to apply for a gun permit.

    http://mikecranston.tumblr.com/
     
  2. jr/shotglass

    jr/shotglass Well-Known Member

    You -- and he -- kind of buried the lead.
     
  3. Matt1735

    Matt1735 Well-Known Member

    Outstanding read. Wishing the best for Mike.
     
  4. Bodie_Broadus

    Bodie_Broadus Active Member

    As someone who also suffers from severe depression, what an incredible read.
     
  5. Beef03

    Beef03 Active Member

    That was a great read.

    For the last year or so a TV sports talk show host in Canada, Michael Lansberg, has been very public in his long battle with depression, he went to a new level with it following Wade Belak's suicide this past summer.

    They were friends who both suffered silently for many years with depression.

    This was his account of that relationship.

    http://www.tsn.ca/nhl/story/?id=375694

    Earlier this month, or I guess now last month, Landsberg helped spearhead a national campaign to get more people talking about their depression with the aid of several high profile athletes. It's a cause that is far too often over looked.

    This was his story he did for the lead up to that campaign.

    http://www.tsn.ca/other_sports/story/?id=387217

    Both worthwhile reads.

    It stands to say if you need help, talk to someone, get help. Even vent on the board, I have found that as crass as we can be, the board can be a great shoulder to cry on and a great friend to vent to. The folk here are deep down good people and have stepped up in the past when I've needed it.
     
  6. SixToe

    SixToe Active Member

    Much more common of a problem than people believe or admit.
     
  7. Bodie_Broadus

    Bodie_Broadus Active Member

    People don't admit to it because of the stigma attached to it.
     
  8. HC

    HC Well-Known Member

    I came within an eyebrow's width of losing one of my brothers (and possibly my closest friend) to suicide after a severe depression. Fuck stigma.
     
  9. copperpot

    copperpot Well-Known Member

    I did lose my brother to suicide. And after reading the original article yesterday, I found myself wondering what would have happened if my brother had survived his attempt, or if he'd somehow been thwarted and taken to a hospital or other facility. I wondered what his co-workers and others would have thought of him. You can't tell me it wouldn't have changed people's opinions of him. It did even in death. I compiled a book of memories of him and one of his former co-workers declined to participate, telling me, "Mike was one of the greatest people I've ever known, but now I'm just mad at him for giving up."

    So yes, the stigma is very real.
     
  10. farmerjerome

    farmerjerome Active Member

    That's terrible, and I'm pretty sure that your job can't fire you for a suicide attempt.

    Let's just say I have experience with someone with severe depression and someone who has committed suicide. When you do decide to do it, it's like a shockwave that effects everyone around you and everyone reacts differently. It's very fresh since you've tried, so don't give up hope -- everyone, including yourself -- needs time to process.

    When one of my friends committed suicide 10 years ago our whole group fell apart and one even tried to kill themselves a few months later. Nothing ever got back to normal but there were some unbreakable bonds formed. You may come out of this knowing exactly who you can count on and that will be best for your recovery.
     
  11. RickStain

    RickStain Well-Known Member

    Hate starting new threads, so I'll put this here.

    As I mentioned in the Open Letters thread, I had/am having the first (and hopefully last) depressive incident of my life. It came completely out of nowhere and I'm pretty shaken up by the experience.

    I had a little bit of a stressful incident on Tuesday and I took it harder than I thought I would. By Wednesday, I was having some full-blown crazy mood swings that were completely out of character. On Thursday, I start sort of inventorying my thoughts and realize that everything just seemed hopeless and meaningless. I just felt completely disconnected from the concept of happiness: my wife, my son, my hobbies, my work, all of it seemed empty and pointless.

    My wife was diagnosed with major depression a few years ago after battling it for almost a decade without realizing that's what it was, so as soon as I began writing down the symptoms, I knew what I was dealing with.

    Friday/Saturday was hopefully the bottom. I barely ate a whole meal between the two days, I wanted to do nothing but lay in bed and sleep forever. I had (and still have) no intentions of committing suicide, but for the first time I really understood why depression comes with such a risk on that front. I could see how feeling this way for years on end would lead someone down that path.

    I've been trying hard to do all the sorts of things you are supposed to do to fight it. I've been talking with my family very candidly about how I'm feeling. I've been getting exercise, getting out in the sun and forcing myself to do things. My wife and I set up a system where I tell her how I'm feeling from 10 (completely normal) to 0 (the worst possible). I hit as low as 2 on Friday and Saturday. I've been hovering between 6 and 9 today, mostly closer to 9.

    I'm hoping the worst of it is behind me right now. I'm feeling mostly better, but I'm still feeling the physical effects of all that elevated heart rate and not eating. Mostly, though, I'm just mentally shaken by the experience. It's scary to know that my mind can take a turn like that out of nowhere.
     
  12. psychman56

    psychman56 Guest

    Suicidal thoughts are not normal. Even if you happen to spontaneously think one every week, it is still dangerous. So, before anything bad happens you should consult a doctor or psychologist.
     
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