LIVE!! It's the Inaugural Roast of BYH.....and here's your RoastMaster..ME!!!!!!

True that. Remember our weekends in the Poconos BYH? You'd rub my shoulders as I peeled the scabs off of your dick and feed them to Chris Kattan, whom you were chocking while he gave you the shocker.

 

Hi folks! As usual, I'm late to my own roast. Gives me hope come next February.

 

You won't be alive in February, dickhead.

 

And I see my secret shame is fodder for a board of unknown journalism losers, for the whole world to see.

This is more embarrassing than the time my mom found out he peed on the carpet or our old apartment.

 

That might be our "Kurt Cobain looks better than Courtney Love" moment right there.

 

An evening of intimacy with the BYH's.

Kissing

Insertion

Grunt--him

Grunt--her

Cough--her

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--him

Laugh--her

"Was it good for you"--him

"Huh"--her

 

Makes sense you would come in February, being the shortest month.

 

No shit.

 

Hey, how bout you come up with a fucking joke instead of annointing some slut as the champion after five posts?

 

You're telling me. I don't want to say my husband is bad in bed, but I've gotten more orgasms from a romance novel.

He may not last long, but the good thing is the two-minute cup of soup I put in before foreplay is ready by the time he passes out.

 

Now I know that isn't Mrs. BYH.

She mentioned foreplay.

 

BYH bought his wife a hobo for satisfaction reasons, but even the hobo wouldn't fuck her.