Last time been in a fight, last time seen a fight

I saw two fights break out tonight at an indoor football game I covered.

I've never been in a fight, per se. The last time I was in a physical altercation, I punched a girl when I was in high school. The funny thing is, many of the people who congratulated me for doing that were girls.

She was widely considered the class bitch, a fact which hit home during our 10-year reunion.

 

Last time I was in one was back in fifth grade, at St. Joseph's Catholic School. Wasn't much of a fight since neither of us really knew what we were doing.

Last time I saw one was a few weeks ago at a high school soccer game. In overtime, after the home team had scored, a player on the other team ran up and jumped on a guy, dragged him to the ground and started beating the shit out of him. Made for an interesting gamer.

 

in eigth grade, i shot a man in reno just to watch him die.

 

Tom Petty wants to give you his shift key.

 

That sounds terrible.

 

In: I was in ninth grade and beat the shit out of a sixth-grader who was about my size. My asshole friends said he was saying stuff about me, I was stupid enough to believe it, and we fought even though he didn't really want to. I busted up his nose and lip, his first (and really his only) punch caught me good and gave me a bloody nose. And I broke my thumb somewhere along the way. Not worth it at all. I should've grabbed a baseball bat and sucker-clobbered my so-called friends in the back of the head.

Saw: I was at the Ole Miss-Florida football game in 2003, I think. I had never been on the sidelines during the meat of an SEC game, so I lingered on the Florida sideline for the first half of the first quarter to see what the atmosphere was like. Just after the teams ran onto the field, the cheerleaders did the same. Except the Ole Miss and Florida cheerleaders were trying to occupy the same patch of turf in the corner of the end zone. One of them drops their team flag, and it drapes over my head. As I pull it off, I see two male cheerleaders going after each other with slaps. It only lasted a few seconds, but it's of the funniest things I've ever seen.

 

This is going to sound like unadulterated bullshit, but I got my arm broken in a fight once.

Several years later the kid that broke my arm won a state wrestling title. He's now a high school coach.

Honest to God.

 

That is so true, Buck. What were you doing getting gas on Baseline and H after, say, dark?

Meanwhile: last one. I'm in 12th grade and haven't been in a fight since 8th grade (I lost), which considering I'm 6-1 and weigh about 130, is probably a good thing. But me, two of my best friends and this other guy who started hanging with us are walking down one of the hallways. We're cracking jokes when the other guy cracks the most unbelievably awful joke: the one about the difference between a Jew and a pizza.

I snap like George Brett in the Pine Tar Game. I grab him, pick him up by his collar and slam him against the wall. I get one punch in before my friends pull me off. They tell him that if he says one word of this to anyone, THEY'LL make sure the next time someone punches him, it won't be just one.

Last fight I saw: About 8-9 years ago, I'm at the local sports bar, the bar where all the area coaches hang out. It's late on a Friday night when two of the coaches -- who have known each other for years -- start, but were well into their cups -- start talking trash to each other. The next thing any of us know, one of them shoves the other one across a table and it's Game On. Like my fight, it doesn't last long, probably two punches before everyone separates the two.

 

bastards.

and three years ago, and three years ago.

 

I once beat the shit out of Kimbo Slice. There was no camera there, though, so nobody believes me.