Ladies, who wants a boob massage?

Apparently, there are people in the world whose job it is to massage mammaries. My question is, how do you go about getting such a job? What are the qualifications?

Also, I volunteer my hands to do this job pro boner.... errrr bono. (There are so many jokes here the mind spins)

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/beauty/would-you-pay-100-for-a-breast-massage-what-if-it-gave-the-girls-a-lift-192620/;_ylt=AjsiI1OM2WIxVGl3F4Iq70VpbqU5

 

Can't most women get this done for free by walking up to any guy in America?

 

Most don't even have to ask.

 

Now back massages are a different story.

My wife wants to get a shirt to wear over her pregnant belly that says, "All I wanted was a back massage."

 

OK, but then you should get to put the baby in this ...

 

That's absolutely awful. Funnier than shit, but awful.

 

Tshirthell.com has the one you want, I believe. Maybe Busted Ts.

 

I bet she wants her feet rubbed, too. 'Course, that's not as funny.

 

Considering this is sportsjournalists.com, I think limiting this thread question to the ladies is unnecessarily exclusionary...

 

Is that a man boobs crack?

 

Massage to pectoralis major and minor is often not comfortable for the recipient. Most people have pecs that are chronically tense and shortened- muscles in that state do not usually feel good when massaged. However, it feels great afterwards.

It sounds like this therapy is mostly chest, not tit, massage. Pec major and minor are located above and beneath the actual tits.

For all the massage treatments that this writer has received, she doesn't seem to understand massage very well. There is no "excess lymph fluid" in the pecs or any other muscles. In fact, "excess lymph fluid" is kind of a bizarre notion. Massage does increase cellular metabolism in muscles, which can result in secretion of fluid, which in turn would be drained by the lymphatic system, so there is a connection, but not the way she described.

Most of the lymphatic circulatory system is located fairly close to the skin, so if this treatment involves lymphatic massage, that would differ greatly from muscle massage. Lymphatic massage involves lots of repetitive, medium-light stroking movements, which actually might feel good on the titties, depending on one's tastes. However, a legit lymphatic chest routine wouldn't linger on the breasts very long, since most of the lymphatic structures in that area are around the armpits and collarbone, not the breasts.

Sounds like this treatment could have three elements: pectoral massage (most of the session), lymphatic massage (should be done after the pec massage to facilitate detoxing) and finally, the "skin-firming" cream, which is something that I don't know anything about, so I won't guess about the value of that part of the treatment.

Overall, I'd say this session is a great idea. Regular treatments like this could have beneficial effects on one's upper body posture and movement. For large-breasted women prone to backaches, it could help with that as well. It could also improve the tone and appearance of the skin of the breasts and chest. It can't re-elevate sagging tits though. Massage is not alchemy...one pound of sugar in a two-pound sack will always have a certain look, massage or no.

WI, LMT

 

If you are an LMT, the board wants to know:

Happy endings?