Kids, their disgusting table manners and neglectful parents

I'm a sectional eater. I will avoid eating foods that have mixed together because they were too close to one another. I actually wish plates were normally made with the different "departments" like the school lunch trays, so my food would never touch.

Oh and wet bread is at the top of my fuhgettaboutit list. I can't handle the texture if my bread gets even just a little bit of juices of whatever I'm eating on it (sauces, like spaghetti don't count). The first time I saw my friend's father dip his roll in his wine at the end of dinner, I nearly passed out.

 

Jesus, I thought I was weird because I tend to finish everything on my plate at the same time. Now I know it's YOU who are weird, and I feel ever so much better.

 

No man knows the fork goes on the left until they get married.

 

I'd have had my ass whipped if I displayed anything other than proper dinner etiquette, especially in public.

 

So if the fork goes on the left, shouldn't all of you righties be holding the fork in your left hand? It would be nice if you did. I get tired of having to make sure I sit in certain places at the table because of being a lefty. Elbow wars can be hell.

 

I hold the fork in my left hand if I'm eating something that has to be cut because I need my right hand for the knife. But I use the fork in my right hand for eating everything else.

 

When I choose to avail myself of a fork, I hold it with my left. The only other thing I do with my left hand is to use it to throw a frisbee long distances. In every other sense, I'm a righty.

 

Fork on the left. Knife and spoon on the right.

Where the hell do I put this thing?



??? Where the hell would I put a knork? And what about pastry forks? Where do I put them? Do I have to check with all guests beforehand to determine what allocation of right- and left-handed pastry forks I need? I just don't know. :-[





I've pretty much taught myself not to switch the fork over to my right hand after getting done with the knife. And if kids have lousy manners, mom and dad should hire a babysitter for their sprog rather than taking them out to dinner. When in restaurants, I've been known to bribe offer a large tip to the busboy putting multiple tables together in order to get the large party seated someplace away from me.

 

Bend over and I'll show ya.

 

The only thing more annoying than obnoxious kids are restaurant elitists. Eat your damn food and get over yourselves.

 

I'm not an elitist. (I normally don't go anyplace I couldn't dress Keys-casual.) I just don't want a dozen unruly children screaming their heads off next to me.

 

Both my parents switched. I have no idea how I started not switching. My mom is a super slow eater as it is, and with the switching, it takes her forever to eat.