Kids say the darndest things

My ex-wife's youngest brother had a little trouble talking when he was little. He liked to "go for a walk," but when he would say it, it would all run together, as if he were saying "go f---."

One day, he was particularly animated and began screaming this in the supermarket, much to the chagrin of his mother.

 

Or when MacEntee accused de Valera, from the grave, of passing on a chance to end partition in 1938.

 

I was probably 13 when my family (I am the oldest of four) was coming home from church on a hot, muggy Sunday night. We stopped at the grocery store and my mom went in alone to save the hassle of dragging us through the store while she bought a few things. So my dad and all four kids were sitting in the parking lot, windows down.

My dad sees a very tall, very skinny man walk into the store with a short, fat woman who was probably his wife. He leaned back and whispered, "Jack Sprat could eat no fat and his wife could eat no lean." We thought it was the funniest thing we had ever heard. All of us are laughing as a woman leaves the store and walks in front of our car to get to her car. Just as we all pause to catch our breath, my youngest brother - who was probably 2 years old - looks at the woman and said, "We're laughing at you."

The rest of us kids hit the floor in the backseat, leaving just my dad to look at this woman's horrified face.

 

^^^^^^^^^^^
Now THAT was awesome! Thanks, PDB.

 

My son walks up to a kid, about 8, who is sitting with us in the concession stand at the local pool.

"Hi. You want some juice?" my son asks the kid, extending his arm to offer a sip.

"I'm cool," the kid replies.

My son pulls back the juice and begins to wave his other hand.

"Hi, cool," he says. "My name's Jake."

 

I had a pedal car when I was little. One day when I was about 2, my mom found me in the driveway, hitting the car with a plastic toy wrench, yelling, "Damn it! Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch!"

My mom was suitably horrified. "What are you doing?"

"Fixing the car like Dad does."

 

Funny. I don't ever remember my brother flying a kite, even when we were kids, so I think he would decline your offer.

I would never do something like that with my daughter. Mrs. OOP and I have been extremely careful about not cursing in front of her and when she does hear something obscene (usually at school), we make it very clear to her what is and is not appropriate.

But it was still funny as hell when my brother had my nephew saying "dumb fuck" over and over again. Hey, he's not my kid!

 

People who think it's fun to make other kids say vulgar things, on the other hand...

 

Kids swearing are hilarious, as long as they aren't my kids and I don't have to deal with whatever kinds of people they grow up to be.

 

If swearing is the worst a kid does, their parents should be grateful.

 

My nephew is at the stage i his life where there is no filter between brain and mouth. He's also an only child.

My Dad -- so his grandpa or papa as he calls him -- likes to to spoil him as much as possible, an act of revenge against my sister I suppose. This tends to hit at all the right times.

My sister and her boyfriend took my nephew to a museum a couple of months ago. Stupidly, when they were finished, they let him into the gift shop, and of course when they put their foot down on not buying him something, being four, he throws a shit fit. Anyways, on the way back from the museum from the back seat in between sobs they hear "Can we phone Papa so he can buy me something?"

Another time my parents are walking out of a mall with my sister and nephew and out of nowhere Owen says "My mommy's really boring." Of course this cracks up my dad, and my sister defensively and heartbroken comes up with, "But I play with you?!?!"

One time when I was visiting them he comes up to me and asks "why are you fat?" of course my sister is mortified at this point and I'm a little speechless myself. I think he did get a talking to after I left because the next time I was there he asks "Why do you have a big tummy?" At which point I had to laugh.

This is the same kid though who often won't answer to his name, obsessed with Transformers he often it will be Starscream or Bumble Bee that you have to call him, however, he will transform for you on the spot, dropping to the floor and making the appropriate sound effects.

 

My parents still won't let me live this down....

When I was five or six, I was obsessed with the movie Beetlejuice. I don't know why, I just really enjoyed it.

Anyway, you guys remember the part where Beetlejuice is in the model cemetery trying to get out but the dead couple won't let him? He starts getting all pissed off, kicks over a headstone and goes "Nice f**king model". He then grabs his crotch and you hear a horn beep twice.

Well, my mother thought it was hysterical to have me do this for my family at family events. Little ol' me, at six years old, screaming "Nice f**cking model" and grabbing my crotch.

Needless to say, they all thought it was great. I had no idea it was a tad inappropriate. That being said, I can't wait to have kids for that very reason.