Kids off to college anyone?

Yours truly will in a few days send his eldest off for her first year away at college. Her mother and I are beginning to realize that that freshman year at home, while nice both emotionally and financially, might not ease the sting (to us) of this transition as much as we had hoped.

Anybody else got any birds leaving the nest?

 

None, but you should be proud of her.

 

How far away will she be? I'm bringing my daughter back tomorrow for junior year but she's only an hour away and communicates daily. The first few weeks take some adjustment. It will be sad looking at her empty room and you will miss all the little things she contributed to your home and family. But learning to live with others in a culturally diverse community will likely be an important (and likely eye-opening) part of the experience for her. Tuition bills aside, watching my daughter gain independence, take responsibility and become more self-reliant has been very gratifying.

 

My wife noted that my son, who is a junior in high school, will have only one more kids-off-to-school pic on the front porch.

We've been visiting schools, and I would have to say, the U.S. Military Academy wins the prize for least sentimental goodbyes. At some point, the incoming freshmen are told you have 90 seconds to say goodbye to your family. Then, they are marched into a hall, and a large metal down slams shut -- loud enough, we were told, to resonate through the whole campus. Not the school for a helicopter parents, that's for sure (even though we also were told that Douglas MacArthur's mom got a place right by campus to keep an eye on him).

Fortunately, my son is more interested at Army ROTC for college, not Army itself, so I presume the goodbye will be less off-to-prison-like.

 

She will be 3-1/2 to 4 hours away (depending on traffic). She's not taking a car, so we'll be depending on public transport to get her home and back now and then.

I may be whistling past the graveyard here, but I don't think it will be as traumatic to us as I have heard from others, if only because the remaining two (rising junior son and soon-to-be-sixth-grader daughter) aren't exactly in low-maintenance mode. Just keeping the balls in air requires some serious juggling on our part. Nevertheless, this is certainly a pronounced step toward a different life for mom and me.

 

My parents had it a bit rough in this regard. I'm the youngest of four, and both my older brothers went to college within 20 minutes of home. My sister went away to school, but at that time my two brothers were either in school or working in the area.

Then, in my last two years of high school, both my brothers moved at least 4 hours of travel away for jobs and my sister stopped coming home except for the winter holidays because she loved her new city so much. Lastly, I had no interest in going to school anywhere close to home. My mom was quite broken up when it was time to say goodbye. I always felt a little bad because while my parents were so sad, I couldn't have been happier. I finally had the independence and freedom I always wanted, but without my parents pushing me when I was younger, I wouldn't have had the mentality I did.

So I guess my word of advice from the other perspective is - don't feel bad if your kid doesn't seem all that broken up about leaving you behind, it means you did a good job in making them an independent person.

 

Penned this two years ago:

http://www.sportsjournalists.com/forum/posts/3126360/

Now, he's a junior doing very well at college.

Had him home for the summer and though it's certainly nothing like the jolt of that first year drop off, we still miss having him around the house after he goes back to school because he brings so much fun and adventure (adventure defined as good and some less than good) to the house.

And our youngest is now a junior in high school, so we're basically two years from being empty nesters. I'm thinking I'm way more prepared for that than my better half is.

 

One thing that is different from when we old farts went to college is that thanks to cheap cell phone rates and social media, keeping in contact, theoretically, has never been easier. I'm sure as a prof, you don't always find that a good thing! I mean, when I went to Bloomington after high school outside Indianapolis, I was only an hour or so drive away, and I still got Indianapolis TV and radio, but it was a long-distance call, which my dorm didn't allow, so I may have well have been a million miles from home. I'm sure when my kids start going, Skype and whatnot will not replace actually having them around, if for no other reason that they won't be available to unload the dishwasher, but at least there are opportunities to keep closer in touch.

Oh, and remind me in two years I said that when I'm bewailing my oldest son going off to school.

 

Just get ready for your kids to move right back in upon graduation and months of not landing a job that pays more than minimum wage.

(I kid, I kid ... I think.)

 

I believe it was Feinstein's book about the Patriot League where I read a West Point student describe that moment as the one where they realize "Oh shit, I'm in the Army."

 

A friend's son is starting prep school up there now. I have a former co worker with son up there, but the son is not an athlete. It's not a place for everyone.

 

A few years ago I was playing golf with one of my old professors (we became pretty good golfing buddies after I'd finished my degree). His younger son had just moved back home and into the basement to get his act together while finishing college. I mentioned: 1) an article I'd recently read about the boomerang phenomenon; and 2) a neighbor whose son was still at home. My friend, who apparently had not heard about the boomerang thing, was stunned when I told him that the neighbor's son was 26. "My god," my friend said. "You mean I've got five more years of this shit?"