Katie Holmes Marathon Conspiracy

Risk vs. Reward.

Reward: she's on Access Hollywood that night seen finishing the race. America forgets the next day. Does nothing to garner her better roles.

Risk: she gets caught, suffers major embarrassment and everyone starts wondering if she's as crazy as Tom. Could potentially affect future roles (not that it necessarily would, but it's a possibility).

Seems like it would be dumb to do this. And, to echo HB, Celebitchy.com ain't exactly the Washington Post.

 

I don't know whether Cruise is gay or not, but I can't imagine a publisher putting out a book saying so unless they had 14 sworn affadavits from lovers, three videos of actual sex taking place and DNA results from sperm in Tom's ass.

 

Five and a half hours is not an incredible finish time, and a 12 minute mile is not a brisk run, but it’s very physically grueling and it seems like you would need to wear a sports bar.

Chuck Norris and Cole Hamels are the only people I know who could complete a marathon while wearing a sports bar.

I mean, I know she's a Scientologist, but Christ...er, I mean...Hubbard.

 

Perhaps her Scientologist training and super powers made her realize that all that beer and chicken wings was gonna kill those couch potatoes not running. So she carried the sports bar away to save their sorry asses.

I agree with the experts that it might chafe, though.

 

Ya know, you're probably right. Who else could help save those poor souls?

WHO!!!!!????

 

I have no idea if she faked the marathon, but seeing her in recent interviews have really made me wonder about her mindset.

She looked like a zombie and I think she had a handler with her too. Creepy.

 

Hey, someone has to keep the dosage right.

 

My initial reaction is that there is no way she would fake this for publicity. She's married to arguably the most famous man in the world and would be on the cover of every entertainment magazine if the family walked down the street together...

Most healthy people can walk a 15-minute mile. She only ran slightly faster... Also, her tits are fake, so they don't bounce as much. Also, just because she was taller than her husband that night doesn't mean she was wearing heels...

A buddy of mine ran a marathon during the day and played basketball that night... It just depends what kind of shape you're in...

 

Mizzougrad is a Scientologist.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

 

I've always loved the term "handler". Conjures up images of a guy holding her by a leash.

Or this fella...

 

It's not the night of the race when your body refuses to move, it's the next day.

 

Barney ran a marathon without training for it and then hopped the subway after.
Sure his buds had to come rescue him since his legs failed him.

This How I Met Your Mother interlude is brought to you by the writers' strike.

Back to Katie Holmes and more stuff I don't care about.