Justin Bieber set to write his "memoirs". Movie slated for February. Seriously.

He's 16.

16.

He can't even buy cigarettes yet.

You want to write a book, fine. But you can't write your memoirs when, by all accounts, you've only lived the first 20% of your life.

 

Yes and no. She's the stage mom from hell. And I hope his success doesn't inspire thousands of others. But I'm sure it will.

 

Maybe he know he's going to die really soon? Maybe predicts his death from being stabbed repeatedly by David Cassidy, the Osmonds, New Kids and the Desi Arnaz, Jr.

Et tu, desi?

 

Dave Barry wrote a line about some teen U.S. gymnast who wrote her autobiography: "And then, in the second grade..."

 

Solid work.

 

Watch this video. Try to make it all the way through. If you last more than 30 seconds without wanting to kick this unholy fuckspawn's ass, I'll fetch you a beer.
For the record, I don't even think I made it to the 10-second mark.

 

Beer. Now.

(That's the only song of his I know, and I made it 47 seconds.)

 

His mom's hot. So is the prospective director's wife. I'll rail them both while Justin and Davis are making their little movie.

 

Oh wow ... greatest bubblegum rock singer since???

 

Google ad in the upper left: "Publish A Children's Book."

 

On behalf of Canadians everywhere, We're all very, very, very sorry.

 

That's what you said about Nickelback and Avril Lavigne, too. I'm beginning to believe y'all don't mean it.