Just to get this on the record ...

HH, is this guy your boss, too?

Sorry to hear about this. You have the right to rip dude's head off for being a total ass.

 

If the asshole has a jacket or shirt he keeps around, you can also take it to the break room if you get a chance. Dab some comet with bleach (or just plain bleach might do the trick) and selectively create some small artistic patterns in random — yet visible — locations.

 

I believe I can take credit for that post. Me and my buddies called it "The Shrimp Chair." It can drive a man completely insane, because he'll never find the source of the smell.

 

There's a good building near Mrs. Henry's office. A building from which one could, well, you get the picture.

 

OK, here are some good ones. If you go to jail, don't blame me.

1. Vaseline on the windshield of his car. Impossible to get off.

2. Find out where he lives and bring a bag of clear plastic forks. After a heavy rain, stick them halfway into the ground and snap them in half, What you get is a sharp plastic knife poking out of the ground that is impossible to see. He will never be able to walk barefoot in his lawn again.

3. Pour pure granular fertilizer in the shape of a cock and balls in the front yard before a nice rain. The pure inch-deep stuff will burn the grass bare for the first summer, but will come back bright green. The gift that keeps on giving.

4. Put a can of Barbosal shave creeme in the freezer over night. Once frozen, take it into his office and unscrew the bottom. Trust me, there is a lot of shaving creeme in that can.

Those are some good ones. Some you should never do to another human being, but it's nice to know that you have them up your sleeve if needed.

 

Or you could just sleep with his wife.

 

Or better yet his daughter if she is legal.

 

kill his fucking rabbit. that'll teach the cocksucker.

 

His wife is in a coma.

 

I'm humming Morrissey, for some reason.

Actually, I think this guy's wife is up and around.

 

Dude, I just did a fist pump with an audible "yes" because someone got the reference. One day, I think I'm going to write nothing but Seinfeld references.

 

Well played, sir.