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Just a football gamer

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by ltrain1127, Oct 6, 2008.

  1. ltrain1127

    ltrain1127 Member

    Looking for feedback. Thanks.

    NOWHERE — Living Word Lutheran unveiled the football field's brand-new, state-of-the-art scoreboard for its varsity game Saturday in conjunction with Homecoming.
    It wasn't long before it started getting a workout.
    Heritage Christian freshman Jordan Ford ran the opening kickoff back 90 yards and set the visiting Patriots (3-3, 2-2) on the path to a 30-20 win over the Timberwolves, who have dropped two straight and now stand at 4-2, 2-2.
    "Huge. We worked on it all week and we had been getting some good returns but we were just doing a couple of things wrong and we corrected them during the week and it worked," Heritage Christian coach Paul Havel said. "That's freshman speed. It's nice to have."
    It was the first of two kickoff returns the Patriots took all the way back, as later in the first half, John Anderson, an offensive lineman and defensive end, took one 75 yards back for a score. It was the second of the season for Anderson.
    "One we could have survived," Living Word coach Dave Miskimen said. "When you have a lineman that's returning one, now granted, he made some great plays defensively. He's a nice ball player. He's a heck of an athlete. He's a pretty good wrestler. We're not blessed with a ton of team speed. We got beat in the special teams today."
    The Timberwolves outgained the Patriots 312-268 and had 201 yards through the air, but had two drives stall out in the red zone, one in each half.
    "We're doing some good things; we're just not finishing right now," Miskimen said. "We're going to keep hitting the rock and trying to find some more gold. Right now, we're not playing our best football.
    Late in the second quarter, the Timberwolves got to the Heritage 8-yard line before a fumble with 12 seconds left before halftime.
    In the third quarter, down 30-14, the Timberwolves came up short by 1 yard on fourth-and-4 from the Heritage 9-yard line.
    That, combined with the two kickoff returns, added up to a Heritage victory.
    "The special teams in the first half is what got us," Miskimen said. "That's all it was."
    Living Word had a scare in the fourth quarter when quarterback Marshall Herget, who led the team with 73 yards and a touchdown rushing and passed for 141 yards and a touchdown, left the game with an ankle injury.
    "I think he'll be OK," Miskimen said. "We'll rest him up a couple of days. He still has a sprained achilles."
    The top target in the Timberwolves' passing game was Andrew Bolwerk, who caught nine passes for 155 yards and scored on a 43-yard pass from Nick Rich after Herget's injury.
    "He is a nice receiver," Miskimen said. "He's just got to do some things to get his hands over on some out routes. He'll make plays for us and gets yard after the catch.
    Eddie Werner recovered two fumbles in the game for Living Word.
    Heritage saved its postseason chances with the win.
    "We knew coming in that this was kind of our season and in a sense, we had to at least play well today, and see if we could come out of here with a win," Havel said. "We gave ourselves a chance."
    Now, with two straight defeats after school's first four-game winning streak, which opened the season, the campaign becomes two-out-of-three series to make the school's first trip to the playoffs.
    "All the things we want to do are still possible," Miskimen said. "It's just going to be a little tougher."
    Even though the numbers on the scoreboard at the end of the day were unkind to the Timberwolves, the scoreboard itself was a welcome addition. Miskimen said a private donor made it a reality and a crew of volunteers helped put it up this week.
    "We've got to take baby steps," Miskimen said. "We're not going to get there overnight. It's amazing how kids appreciate things when they know where you've been and they're a little more excited about where they're going."
  2. albert77

    albert77 Well-Known Member

    One thing that sticks out like a sore thumb: a quote from the lineman who ran a kickoff back for a TD. That is so unusual that it screams for a comment, especially considering it was his second of the season. I'd also like to see a quote from the coach about that. Obviously, they have some kickoff formation where this guy can go if he gets the ball. I'd like to see that explained. It could be your paper doesn't put as much emphasis on player quotes as mine does, but that was something else I missed. Good quotes by both coaches, though.

    Otherwise, a solid gamer. Good color in the lede, although a good little detail to throw in would be exactly how many seconds it took before the kid lit up the new scoreboard with the opening kickoff.
  3. You should avoid listing a team's record before you give the final score. A few good points listed above, too.

    Otherwise, not bad.
  4. dawgpounddiehard

    dawgpounddiehard Active Member

    Watch your wordiness. Good job tying the lede with the end of the story.

  5. mustangj17

    mustangj17 Active Member

    Yeah and put the records after the nickname, or second reference. You did it for the first team, but not the second.

    Like some posters before me said, a bit wordy.
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