Jurors accused of having sex while sequestered, murderer wants new trial

spot on

 

He was convicted. His trial was in 2000.

Apparently two deputy sheriffs who were guarding the jurors at the hotel were also getting it on with each other.

This all came to light after another juror, probably jealous to have been left out of the alleged action, wrote to the killer and told him of all this.

Which raises the issue - what is more strange here? Jurors and deputy sheriffs doing the wild thing, or another juror writing a letter to a convicted killer to tattle about it? I mean, if the juror was really all that concerned about what had been going on, why not approach the court itself with your allegations?

 

"Exactly what part of Don't Bang One Another did I not make clear?"




"I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with the Honorable Judge Judy and say fuck all you want. Besides, the states should decide on fucking, not the federal court."




"I'm going to ask that both parties agree to dismiss their court cases, stop fucking, and have their disputes settled here, in our forum: The People's Court."




"That's enough of that nonsense! This has become a circus! Now who wants to come in my office and watch a tape of the Dancing Itos from last night's Leno?"




"I know inappropriate fucking when I see it, and this was not it."




"Two jurors right to fuck is not explicitly guaranteed by the founders, and the Constitution is not a living document which can evolve with the changing standards of the American society. Those who wish to fuck while sequestered may seek to have the constitution changed through the amendment process, much like women's suffrage advocates did. It is not this court's place to decide such things."




"As Mel Torme might say, 'I'm offering this simple phrase, to jurors from one to 92; although it's been said many times many ways, there's no humping in the jury room!"

 

Well, it is a state court and I believe federal powers are of the "expressed" variety not the "implied" so unless the Constitution or subsequent laws of the government say you CAN'T do something, you can do it. That's not to say they weren't idiots for doing it. They were also idiots for getting caught, but not nearly as idiotic as the deputies (by the way, are we talking nightstick on nightstick, nightstick on handcuff, or handcuff on handcuff action ... inquiring minds want to know ) for having sex on the job while guarding a jury. Apparently Missouri really is the Show Me State, as in "You show me yours and I'll show you mine."

 

How come I never get called to be on these juries??

 

Although I can imagine this is the case, I've never had jury duty, so I really have no idea.

 

Henry Fonda in ... 12 Horny Men.

 

Nice.

 

"You're out of order! You're out of order! The whole trial is out of order! They're out of order! That man, that sick, crazy, depraved man, raped and beat that woman there, and he'd like to do it again! He *told* me so!

That jury. How in the hell does that those two hook-up? I know cabin fever does strange things to people, but the chick has got a moustache! An honest-to-God, give-your-dick-rug-burn lip that only Gillette and a truckload of Barbasol can eliminate. And he wants to do her again! He *told* me so! What a depraved bastard!

It's just a show! It's a show! It's "Let's Make A Deal"! "Let's Make A Deal"! Hey Frank, you wanna "Make A Deal"? I got an insane judge who likes to beat the shit out of women! I got a jurer who likes chick whiskers on his taint! Whaddya wanna gimme Frank, 3 weeks probation?"

 

I learned this lesson the hard way when I was put on a jury during a semi-serious assault case.

Dude on trial and his three buddies didn't take too kindly to their sister's boyfriend and beat the crap out of him, her and his car with baseball bats.

Dude's lawyer was a stuttering, fumbling idiot who could barely string together five words in a row and did an absolutely HORRIBLE job trying to set up his case.

I mean, it didn't help that the Prosecutor was really on point, had great evidence and everything was organized but during a break a couple of us were standing outside and I casually mentioned that the defense's lawyer was having a hard time talking so he seemed a little nervous. For a couple minutes, three or four of us talked about him. Not the case, just him.

You would have thought World War III broke out when we got back in there because the judge (who was a total bitch and pretty much ruined the jury duty experience for me) started yelling and screaming at us for talking about the case.

Needless to say we didn't say much else non-sports related to each other the rest of the time.

 

"Say hello to my little friend!!"

"Officers, arrest that man for indecent exposure!"