Judge goes Caddyshack on Rudy's boy

This judge shoots a bogey.


Judge: Giuliani golf lawsuit slices off course

By ESTES THOMPSON
Associated Press Writer
RALEIGH, N.C. (AP) -- Suffice it to say that in U.S. Magistrate Judge Wallace Dixon's opinion, ousted Duke University golfer Andrew Giuliani's lawsuit against the school did not make par.
Dixon sprinkled golf lingo and even a quote from the movie "Caddyshack" into his written ruling that Giuliani's claim flew off the fairway and landed out of bounds.
Dixon recommended dismissal of the lawsuit against Duke by the son of former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani.
The younger Giuliani claimed that Duke's golf coach manufactured accusations against him to justify kicking him off the team in 2008, when he was a junior. He's seeking an unspecified amount of damages.
The golf jargon in the formal legal opinion stood out like a pair of plaid golf pants against a putting green.
Dixon noted that Giuliani "tees up his case" by alleging he was victim of a secret expulsion with no opportunity to defend himself. He also observed that Giuliani asserted he had properly made a claim for breach of contract. Dixon wrote, "His analysis, however, slices far from the fairway."
In another section, Dixon asserted that Giuliani was trying to change arguments "like trying to change clubs after hitting the golf ball."
Likewise with Giuliani's reference to a "good faith" covenant: "Plaintiff attempts to take a mulligan with this argument; however, this shot also lands in the drink."
And as for interference with a contract: "Plaintiff also shanks this claim."
The judge saved his most unique reference for a suggestion that Giuliani should receive damages because of an implied contract. Dixon invoked a movie scene in which Bill Murray plays a gopher-obsessed groundskeeper named Carl Spackler who works at a ritzy club and at one point narrates an impossible golf scenario as he knocks the tops off flowers with a garden tool.
The argument, Dixon writes, "brings to mind Carl Spackler's analysis from the movie 'Caddyshack' (Orion Pictures 1980): 'He's on his final hole. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2 iron, I think."'
Dixon's recommendation will be reviewed by a higher judge. Giuliani attorney Robert Ekstrand said he wanted the case to move forward.
"Andrew is an honorable, fantastic young man and he's looking forward to his day in court," Ekstrand said.
Now 23, Giuliani graduated from Duke earlier this month.
A Duke spokesman said the opinion correctly recognized that there is no right to play on a college sports team. Giuliani didn't receive a scholarship and didn't sign a letter of intent.
"We're pleased with the decision and appreciate that the court understood the implications of such a lawsuit for college sports teams everywhere," said spokesman Mike Schoenfeld.
Dixon didn't immediately return a message left at his chambers.

 

Just goes to show you:

Sports reporters can write about courts better than judges can write about sports. :

 

I was hoping this case would be deep-sixed. The truth is that college coaches, even with scholarship players, can cut them at any time, for any reason. The judge is correct in pointing out that playing college sports is a not a right.
As to little Guliani's assertion that cutting him ruined his chances at pro golf, that was the biggest laugh of them all. I checked his college stats. He was 12th on a team of 14 in stroke average. He also played in a middling amateur event in our area last fall, and shot 16-over for 54 holes and finished behind 10 high school kids.

FWIT: I talked to a colleague in the Long Island area. He said Rudy was mortified that the kid even thought about the lawsuit. Turns out the mother's new husband is a lawyer who told the kid he had a case. Plus, the kid and Rudy haven't spoken for a few years anyway.

 

How this exchange didn't make it into the brief I have no idea.

Spalding Smails: I want a hamburger... no, a cheeseburger. I want a hot dog. I want a milkshake...
Judge Smails: You'll get nothing, and like it.

or this one.

Judge Smails: I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.

 

Reading that story reminded me of the recurring scene in "Family Guy," where Stewie stands there and recites an endless list of punchlines to the same joke, each one lamer than the last.

 

Beat me to it, Dan. One of the more underrated quotes in the movie. Especially the way he's looking off into the distance, bein' all philosophical and shit.

Man that was a funny movie.

 

File a lawsuit that looks like this and they should give you a free bowl of soup.

Ohh, looks good on you though.

 

A. The judge made the right decision yet still made himself look lke an ass with all the golf jargon.
B. Andrew is actually a good kid when he gets a chance to get away from his overbearing mother.
C. He also is a very good golfer, maybe good enough for the Nationwide (is that the current minor-league series?) but he does have an overinflated opinion of himself, just like his blowhard father.
D. He was a damn good place-kicker for one of the best HS football teams in NJ ... old-fashioned straight-on kicker.

 

How 'bout a Fresca?

 

To repeat my earlier thread ... I actually saw Andrew play golf at a mid-level amateur event, at a short muni course. His lowest score in three rounds was 76. He finished (and I counted) behind 10 high school kids.
He could caddie on the Nationwide Tour. That's about it.

 

So you're saying he'd be a Cinderella boy?