Jones' book

leo1 · Mar 13, 2007

i'm enjoying the book so far. i'd never have bought it i hadn't "known" jones from SportsJournalists.com.

call me a filthy degenerate but when i read the poop section combined with learning that they sleep shrouded in a sleeping bag in a capsule-like thingie made me wonder if they ever um, you know, jerk off up there?

it seems like a long time to go without any release. i'm thinking this question may have been a little too intimate for jones to have brought up though.

Ace · Mar 13, 2007

leo1 said:

i'm enjoying the book so far. i'd never have bought it i hadn't "known" jones from SportsJournalists.com.

call me a filthy degenerate but when i read the poop section combined with learning that they sleep shrouded in a sleeping bag in a capsule-like thingie made me wonder if they ever um, you know, jerk off up there?

it seems like a long time to go without any release. i'm thinking this question may have been a little too intimate for jones to have brought up though.
Click to expand...

I hear that is what weeds out most potential astronauts. They find out they can't jerk off for a week and they go into the submarines or something.

That's why they had to start having female astronauts.

Fact.

novelist_wannabe · Mar 13, 2007

Jones said:

Well, Bristol, thanks very much for the kind words. I liked the Tender Bar a great deal, so that means a lot to me. Also, I appreciate your trying to keep the thread on track, but it's true: I like talking about poop. In fact, I own "Everybody Poops," as well as its excellent companion volume, "The Gas We Pass." I am not kidding about any of this.

Thanks, too, to everybody for saying nice things about the book. (Including OTD and amiable others on the Books Thread.) It was a lot of work and it's finally a good feeling to know that people are reading it. For those of you thinking about writing a book, or if you're currently struggling with writing a book (and you feel like it's all for nothing, as I did too often), it's worth all the, um, poop, once you finally, um, evacuate the thing from your system. Come to think of it, writing a book and seeing it published is probably the most satisfying shit I've taken, and I've eaten at Applebee's.

And as a way of tying this up nicely, I present an excerpt from the book, regarding poop:

Going to the bathroom has always been one of the great perils of space exploration. For men, anyway, urinating is usually easy enough, at least with the help of a hose and some suction. Taking a crap is the bigger pickle. The most horrific stories have been passed down among astronauts like the kinds of fables that make children scared to look under their beds. Through them, veterans bestow the lessons they've learned with gravitas; rookies, however, will still no doubt find themselves in pitched battle against a wayward shit. The goriest details are kept within the astronaut fold -- deemed too graphic and uncomfortable to share in polite (read: civilian) company, like the persistant rumors of space sex. But the bottom line is that in space, whatever isn't pinned down takes flight, including poop. In other words, bowel evacuation in orbit is never a passive exercise -- a certain velocity must be given to the offending projectile, enough to deliver it to the surface of the toilet's bowl and make it stick. It's just too bad that sometimes there isn't enough gunpowder in the cannon.

Ta-da. Thanks again everybody.
Click to expand...

I think it was Hemingway who responded, when asked how to write, by saying, "You just roll a sheet of paper in the typewriter and bleed."

So it must be asked, Jones: Is your approach to plug a jump drive into your USB and poop?

The Big Ragu · Mar 13, 2007

Jones writes like it's a bodily function. And he poops like he writes. The odd thing about it is that I wish I was half as full of shit as he is.

Mystery_Meat · Mar 13, 2007

Ace said:

leo1 said:

i'm enjoying the book so far. i'd never have bought it i hadn't "known" jones from SportsJournalists.com.

call me a filthy degenerate but when i read the poop section combined with learning that they sleep shrouded in a sleeping bag in a capsule-like thingie made me wonder if they ever um, you know, jerk off up there?

it seems like a long time to go without any release. i'm thinking this question may have been a little too intimate for jones to have brought up though.
Click to expand...

I hear that is what weeds out most potential astronauts. They find out they can't jerk off for a week and they go into the submarines or something.

That's why they had to start having female astronauts.

Fact.
Click to expand...

Can't they just jerk off during a spacewalk? Your weiner doesn't need oxygen, does it?

Ace · Mar 13, 2007

Mystery Meat said:

Ace said:

leo1 said:

i'm enjoying the book so far. i'd never have bought it i hadn't "known" jones from SportsJournalists.com.

call me a filthy degenerate but when i read the poop section combined with learning that they sleep shrouded in a sleeping bag in a capsule-like thingie made me wonder if they ever um, you know, jerk off up there?

it seems like a long time to go without any release. i'm thinking this question may have been a little too intimate for jones to have brought up though.
Click to expand...

I hear that is what weeds out most potential astronauts. They find out they can't jerk off for a week and they go into the submarines or something.

That's why they had to start having female astronauts.

Fact.
Click to expand...

Can't they just jerk off during a spacewalk? Your weiner doesn't need oxygen, does it?
Click to expand...

C'mon, Meat. Think.

You whack off in space and the next pass around you're gonna have jism splatter all over your windshield. I don't think the space shuttle has wipers.

Mystery_Meat · Mar 13, 2007

Ace said:

Mystery Meat said:

Ace said:

leo1 said:

i'm enjoying the book so far. i'd never have bought it i hadn't "known" jones from SportsJournalists.com.

call me a filthy degenerate but when i read the poop section combined with learning that they sleep shrouded in a sleeping bag in a capsule-like thingie made me wonder if they ever um, you know, jerk off up there?

it seems like a long time to go without any release. i'm thinking this question may have been a little too intimate for jones to have brought up though.
Click to expand...

I hear that is what weeds out most potential astronauts. They find out they can't jerk off for a week and they go into the submarines or something.

That's why they had to start having female astronauts.

Fact.
Click to expand...

Can't they just jerk off during a spacewalk? Your weiner doesn't need oxygen, does it?
Click to expand...

C'mon, Meat. Think.

You whack off in space and the next pass around you're gonna have jism splatter all over your windshield. I don't think the space shuttle has wipers.
Click to expand...

I figured that Earth's gravitational pull would bring it down. You ever get crapped on by a bird you never saw? Well there you go.

silentbob · Mar 13, 2007

I'm also reading The Tender Bar right now.
Great writing, but please tell me it picks up soon.
I'm 60 pages in and the story has gone nowhere.

leo1 · Mar 13, 2007

Mystery Meat said:

Ace said:

leo1 said:

i'm enjoying the book so far. i'd never have bought it i hadn't "known" jones from SportsJournalists.com.

call me a filthy degenerate but when i read the poop section combined with learning that they sleep shrouded in a sleeping bag in a capsule-like thingie made me wonder if they ever um, you know, jerk off up there?

it seems like a long time to go without any release. i'm thinking this question may have been a little too intimate for jones to have brought up though.
Click to expand...

I hear that is what weeds out most potential astronauts. They find out they can't jerk off for a week and they go into the submarines or something.

That's why they had to start having female astronauts.

Fact.
Click to expand...

Can't they just jerk off during a spacewalk? Your weiner doesn't need oxygen, does it?
Click to expand...

mine needs oxygen

Del_B_Vista · Mar 13, 2007

Ace said:

leo1 said:

i'm enjoying the book so far. i'd never have bought it i hadn't "known" jones from SportsJournalists.com.

call me a filthy degenerate but when i read the poop section combined with learning that they sleep shrouded in a sleeping bag in a capsule-like thingie made me wonder if they ever um, you know, jerk off up there?

it seems like a long time to go without any release. i'm thinking this question may have been a little too intimate for jones to have brought up though.
Click to expand...

I hear that is what weeds out most potential astronauts. They find out they can't jerk off for a week and they go into the submarines or something.

That's why they had to start having female astronauts.

Fact.
Click to expand...

I can vouch for the fact that it is possible to rub one out on a submarine.

Buddy of mine told me about it

Point of Order · Mar 13, 2007

This is going on my Amazon wish list. Can't wait. And in a similar vein, I'm also looking very much forward to reading the book below. I saw the author on C-SPAN over the weekend and he was entertaining as hell... or heaven. Anyway, if any of you have read it I'd like to know your thoughts.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0393062244/ref=wl_it_dp/102-5600869-0422517?ie=UTF8&coliid=I1PUKOM3XWEEG&colid=2EPQ9WUUGEFPN

zeke12 · Mar 13, 2007

This thread, like Jones, is the shit.

Log in or Sign up

Jones' book

leo1 Active Member

Ace Well-Known Member

novelist_wannabe Well-Known Member

The Big Ragu Moderator Staff Member

Mystery_Meat Guest

Ace Well-Known Member

Mystery_Meat Guest

silentbob Member

leo1 Active Member

Del_B_Vista Active Member

Point of Order Active Member

zeke12 Guest

Share This Page

Log in or Sign up

Jones' book

leo1 Active Member

Ace Well-Known Member

novelist_wannabe Well-Known Member

The Big Ragu Moderator Staff Member

Mystery_Meat Guest

Ace Well-Known Member

Mystery_Meat Guest

silentbob Member

leo1 Active Member

Del_B_Vista Active Member

Point of Order Active Member

zeke12 Guest

Share This Page

Useful Searches