Jones' book

I don't believe it is a "how-to-shit book." It's more of an "everybody-does-it" book. So get your facts straight before you come here talking crap.

I will weigh in on Jones' weightless prose as soon as I read the book. OK?

 

The last person to take this thread seriously is Jones... who would also not only tell you about his poop that morning, but tell Bristol Insider that if he doesn't loosen up, he'll never be able to move fecal matter out of his far-too-tight anus

 

Ok, you win ...

 

Re: Jones\' book

And to tie it all together, Jones\' book has a lovely passage about the importance of velocity when attempting to poop in space.

Great read so far.

 

Not only would he tell you about his poop, he would do so with more flowery prose than I could ever muster and he would describe to you -- in exquisite detail -- exactly how his dietary habits affected the composition of said fecal matter.

So there.

 

I clearly don't know shit ...

 

I read Jones' book over a two-day span. Could not put it down. I loved the seriousness of the matter, but still with some of Jones' irreverence mixed in. Just when you get locked into facts and details, Jones hits you with some turn of phrase that makes you say "Goddamn."

Great book. Great, great book.

 

I plan on getting it the next time I get to my closest Borders, a 30-min. drive.

 

Well, Bristol, thanks very much for the kind words. I liked the Tender Bar a great deal, so that means a lot to me. Also, I appreciate your trying to keep the thread on track, but it's true: I like talking about poop. In fact, I own "Everybody Poops," as well as its excellent companion volume, "The Gas We Pass." I am not kidding about any of this.

Thanks, too, to everybody for saying nice things about the book. (Including OTD and amiable others on the Books Thread.) It was a lot of work and it's finally a good feeling to know that people are reading it. For those of you thinking about writing a book, or if you're currently struggling with writing a book (and you feel like it's all for nothing, as I did too often), it's worth all the, um, poop, once you finally, um, evacuate the thing from your system. Come to think of it, writing a book and seeing it published is probably the most satisfying shit I've taken, and I've eaten at Applebee's.

And as a way of tying this up nicely, I present an excerpt from the book, regarding poop:

Going to the bathroom has always been one of the great perils of space exploration. For men, anyway, urinating is usually easy enough, at least with the help of a hose and some suction. Taking a crap is the bigger pickle. The most horrific stories have been passed down among astronauts like the kinds of fables that make children scared to look under their beds. Through them, veterans bestow the lessons they've learned with gravitas; rookies, however, will still no doubt find themselves in pitched battle against a wayward shit. The goriest details are kept within the astronaut fold -- deemed too graphic and uncomfortable to share in polite (read: civilian) company, like the persistant rumors of space sex. But the bottom line is that in space, whatever isn't pinned down takes flight, including poop. In other words, bowel evacuation in orbit is never a passive exercise -- a certain velocity must be given to the offending projectile, enough to deliver it to the surface of the toilet's bowl and make it stick. It's just too bad that sometimes there isn't enough gunpowder in the cannon.

Ta-da. Thanks again everybody.

 

I cannot stop laughing.

 

I liked the part about Russians being too tough for diapers. I guess they never need to drive 1,000 miles to hose down love rivals with pepper spray, either.