1. Welcome to SportsJournalists.com, a friendly forum for discussing all things sports and journalism.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register for a free account to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Access to private conversations with other members.
    • Fewer ads.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

Jokes Thread

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by Evil Bastard (aka Chris_L), Oct 14, 2010.

  1. MTM

    MTM Well-Known Member

    Lots of funny jokes of the Got Jokes page on Facebook, including this one:

    A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

    After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.

    While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

    "Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!" "Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."
     
  2. Is Roy Oswalt a Hall of Famer?
     
  3. NickMordo

    NickMordo Active Member

    Day One:

    Duck walks into a bar...

    Duck: Got any grapes?
    Bartender: Nope, we don't have any grapes.

    Day Two:

    Duck walks into same bar...

    Duck: Got any grapes?
    Bartender: Nope, we don't have any grapes.

    Day Three:

    Duck walks into same bar...

    Duck: Hey, got any grapes?
    Bartender: No, we don't have any grapes and if you come again tomorrow and ask if we have grapes then I will find a nail and hammer your bill shut.
    Duck: OK, fine. I'll see ya.

    Day Four:

    Duck walks into same bar...

    Duck: Got any nails?
    Bartender: No.
    Duck: OK, got any grapes?
     
  4. Chef2

    Chef2 Well-Known Member

    Rebecca Lobo walks into a bar.

    Bartender looks up and says "Hey, why the long face?"
     
  5. Chef2

    Chef2 Well-Known Member

    I love that.
     
  6. spikechiquet

    spikechiquet Well-Known Member

    A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks down at it and says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!"

    The grasshopper looks up at the bartender and says, "You have a drink named Steve?"
     
  7. MTM

    MTM Well-Known Member

    Twin sisters in St. Luke's Nursing Home were turning 100 years old. The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the twins.

    One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well. Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa.

    The deaf sister said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

    "WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other.

    "Now get a little closer together," said the cameraman.

    Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

    "HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE."

    So they wiggled up close to each other. "Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer.

    Yet again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

    "HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"

    With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH MY - BOTH OF US?"
     
  8. JackReacher

    JackReacher Well-Known Member

    How do you know if a woman's ticklish?

    Give her a test tickle.
     
  9.  
  10. MTM

    MTM Well-Known Member

    The other day, my friends and I went to this "Gentleman's Club." One of my buddies wanted to impress us, so he pulls out a $10 bill. The "dancer" came over to us, and my friend licked the $10 and put it on her butt.

    Not to be outdone, my other friend pulls out a $50 bill. He calls the girl back over, licks the $50, and puts it on her other cheek. Now the attention is focused on me. What could I do to top that?

    I got out my wallet, thought for a minute.....then the banker in me took over. I got out my ATM card, swiped it down her crack, grabbed the 60 bucks, and went home.
     
  11. Happy Easter! I'm going to Hell
     
  12. rmanfredi

    rmanfredi Active Member

    Knock knock.

    Who's there?

    9/11

    9/11 who?

    YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER FORGET!!!
     
Draft saved Draft deleted

Share This Page