1. Welcome to SportsJournalists.com, a friendly forum for discussing all things sports and journalism.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register for a free account to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Access to private conversations with other members.
    • Fewer ads.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

Jokes Thread

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by Evil Bastard (aka Chris_L), Oct 14, 2010.

  1. EStreetJoe

    EStreetJoe Well-Known Member

    Maria is a devout Catholic:

    She gets married and has 17 children, then her husband dies.
    She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her second husband.

    Maria dies.
    At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in her coffin, looks up to the heavens and says, "At least, they're finally together."

    A man standing next to the priest asks, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean her and her first husband, or her and her second husband ?"

    The priest says, " I mean her legs."
     
  2. mb

    mb Active Member

    I've posted it on the other three jokes threads here, but this one slays me every time:

    Nuns are admitted to Heaven through a special gate and are expected to make one last confession before they become angels. Several nuns are lined up at this gate waiting to be absolved of their last sins before they are made holy.

    "And so," says St. Peter, "have you ever had any contact with a penis?"
    "Well," says the first nun in line," I did once just touch the tip of one with the tip of my finger." "OK" says St. Peter, "Dip your finger in holy water and pass into heaven.

    The next nun admits that "Well yes, I did once get carried away and I, you know, sort of massaged it a bit."
    "OK" says St. Peter, "Rinse your hand in holy water and pass on into heaven."

    Suddenly there is some jostling in the line and one of the nuns is trying to cut in front.
    "Well now, what's going on in here?" says St. Peter.

    "Well your excellency," says the nun who is trying to improve her position in line, "if I'm going to have to gargle that stuff, I want to do it before Sister Mary Thomas sticks her ass in it."
     
  3.  
  4. This one was originally from 21

     
  5. spikechiquet

    spikechiquet Well-Known Member

    What was Terri Schiavo's favorite food?

    Tube steak
     
  6. 93Devil

    93Devil Well-Known Member

    An older man walks into his doctor's office and asks the doc why his pecker has turned orange since he retired.

    The doc asks him if he is doing anything differently now than when he was working full time.

    The retired man said all he does differently, now that he has more free time, is surf the web and eat cheese puffs.
     
  7. Ace

    Ace Well-Known Member

    You call this thread funny?

    I've heard better material from Peter King's bowels while he was sitting in first class late for a colonoscopy.

    Most of this stuff is more inappropriate and unbelievable than Mitch Albom winning an APSE lifetime award.

    Moddy would rather have Chef perform Tommy John surgery on Stephen Strasburg than read this dreck.

    A million monkeys typing randomly 24 hours a day would turn out better material. Dooley_Womack could, too, but I repeat myself.

    I might have laughed for a couple of seconds but no longer than a BYH erection.

    Bottom line, I'd rather spend Thanksgiving with 21's family than suffer though this again.
     
  8. Baron Scicluna

    Baron Scicluna Well-Known Member

    There once was a man from Nantucket ...
     
  9. [​IMG]
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2014
  10. kokane_muthashed

    kokane_muthashed Active Member

    Just read this on lamebook and it made me chuckle.

    Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
    "Those are deer tracks," the first blonde said.
    "No, those are elk tracks," the second blonde said.
    "You're both wrong. Those are moose tracks," the third blonde said.
    The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.
     
  11. Chef2

    Chef2 Well-Known Member

    What do you call a fish with no eyes?

    Fsh.
     
  12. dooley_womack1

    dooley_womack1 Well-Known Member

    None of those are nearly as funny as Ace's attempts to be hired by the Plain Dealer.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted

Share This Page