Jesus H. Christ on wheels

My dad always used to say "Jesus Horiatio Christ!"

So I'm going with Horatio.

 

I thought it was just a nothing middle initial like "Harry S Truman"

 

YEEAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!

 

WE''VE BEEN DATIN SINCE HIGH SCHOOL WE NEVER ONCE LEFT THIS TOWN
WE USE TO GO OUT ON THE WEEKENDS AND WE''D DRINK TIL WE DROWNED
BUT NOW SHES ACTING FUNNY AND I DONT UNDERSTAND
I THINK THAT SHES FOUND HER SOME OTHER MAN

SHE LEFT ME FOR JESUS AND THAT JUST AINT FAIR
SHE SAYS THAT HES PERFECT HOW COULD I COMPARE
SHE SAYS I SHOULD FIND HIM AND ILL KNOW PEACE AT LAST
IF I EVER FIND JESUS IM KICKIN HIS ASS


SHE SHOWED ME A PICTURE ALL I COULD DO WAS STARE
AT THAT FREAK IN HIS SANDALS WITH HIS LONG PRETTY HAIR
THEY MUST THINK THAT IM STUPID OR I DONT HAVE A CLUE
ILL BET HES A COMMIE OR EVER WORSE YET A JEW

REPEAT CHORUS

SHES GIVEN UP WHISKEY AND AH TAKIN UP WINE
WHILE SHE PRAYS FOR HIS TROUBLES SHES FORGOT ABOUT MINE
IM A GONNA GET EVEN I CANT HANDLE THE SHAME
WHY LAST TIME WE MADE LOVE SHE EVEN CALLED OUT HIS NAME

REPEAT CHORUS

IT COULDA BEEN CARLOS OR EVEN BILLY ORTEZ
BUT IF I EVER FIND JESUS
HES GONNA WISH HE WAS DEAD AMEN

 

I'll see that and raise you ...

Chorus:
My head hurts, my feet stink, and I don't love Jesus
It's that kind of mornin'
Really was that kind of night
Tryin' to tell myself that my condition is improvin'
And if I don't die by Thursday I'll be roarin' Friday night

Went down to the snake pit
To drink a little beer
Listen to the jukebox
Merle was comin' in clear

All of a sudden I wad'n alone
Pickin' country music with ol' Joe Bones
Duval Street was rockin'
My eyes they starting poppin'

Because there she sat at the corner of the bar
As I broke another string on my ol' guitar
Someone call a cab
Lady won'tcha pay my tab

Chorus:
And now my head hurts, my feet stink, and I don't love Jesus
It's that kinda mornin'
Really was that kinda night
Tryin' to tell myself that my condition is improvin'
And if I don't die by Thursday I'll be roarin' Friday night

Gotta get a little orange juice
And a Darvon for my head
I can't spend all day
Baby layin' in the bed

I'm goin' down to Fausto's get some chocolate milk
Can't spend my life in yer sheets of silk
I've got to find my way
Crawl out and greet the day

Chorus:
But now my head hurts, my feet stink, and I don't love Jesus
It's that kinda mornin'
Really was that kinda night
Tryin' to tell myself that my condition is improvin'
And if I don't die by Thursday I'll be roarin' Friday night

Let me tell ya, I be roarin' Friday night
I mean I'll be
Roarin'
Friday
Night

 

Definitely. A match made in comedy heaven.

Gotta be Herbert, because that turns out to be H.I.'s first name in Raising Arizona.

 

industrial-quality wheelbarrow wheels are my favorite non-auto wheels.

 

Nah. He's Jewish. Gotta be Hyman.

 

Every once in a while Dr. J says something that makes me wonder how I could have over-looked certain things when we tied the knot.

I told him this story, and I shit you not he said:

"I got no problem with that, the thing is fucking heavy. You couldn't do it."

Oy.

 

It's the things you find out after the nuptials are completed that are always the most disconcerting.

 

I always thought that the H. in "Jesus H. Christ" stood for Heli, his grandfather's name. Luke 3:23 says that Heli was Joseph's father.

But then I noticed that Matthew 1:16 claims that Jacob was Joseph's father. What are we to believe?

 

I vote for Heli.. because Jesus J. Christ doesn't have the same ring.