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Jesus H. Christ on wheels

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by Bubbler, May 26, 2009.

  1. Bubbler

    Bubbler Active Member

    As I was driving home from a road trip the other day, I was just east of Kansas City, when I saw a man walking down the berm of the interstate carrying a crucifix.

    Since I'm not an overtly religious person, if anything I'm anti-overtly religious while being innerly spiritual, I rolled my eyes.

    I've never understood what the point of walking with the cross is. Pretty much the central tenet of every religion on Earth is to live your life the right way and respect others ... in other words ... show your respect for God by your actions, not make your actions some sort of "proof" that you love God.

    In my anti-overt-displays-of-faith view, it's a religious version of the "look at me!" syndrome that pervades sports. Walking with a cross, especially when you're going to go through an nth of the suffering Jesus went through during the real thing, is akin to doing a throat-slash in football after tackling someone after a 50-yard gain when your team is down 35-0.

    The act is designed to draw attention to you, especially if you're idiotic enough to do it on a heavily-trafficked interstate.

    Anyway, as I got closer, I noticed something ... the bottom of the crucifix had a wheel on it. A nice one too, it probably would've fit nicely on an industrial-capable wheelbarrow. It appeared that this cross had an axle build into the bottom of it, presumably so people could lug it around town, or in this case, to dodge roadkill on I-70.

    I let out a chuckle that was a one part incredulous, one part mocking and another part irritated. I already believe the gesture is kind of empty to begin with, but then you rig a wheel on to it?

    The more I thought about it, the more it pissed me off. If you're going to try and replicate the suffering of Jesus, go all the way with it. The idea is suffering, why be a hypocrite and go halfway with it?

    Maybe it's in one of the "lost" Gospels, but last time I checked my Bible, Pontius Pilate didn't give Jesus the chance to strap a Michelin to the crucifix when he struggled up Cavalry.

    Next thing you know, the people who think this display proves something will try to replicate the Crucifixion itself ... complete with Fisher-Price nails and a crown of Nerf thorns.

    I can't abide the hypocrisy. I'm Catholic, and it would be like giving up meat on Friday's for lent, except when I dine at Outback. I'd be like saying I'm going to be faithful to my wife, except with brunettes. I'd be like practicing safe sex, but cutting an airhole in the condom so my dick can "breathe".

    But a cross-on-wheels? Why fuck with God like that? Why tailor your suffering to "modern times" when there are people on Earth now who suffer fates equal to or worse than Jesus did himself in ancient times?

    And if you're going to make an empty, hypocritical gesture, why stop with a wheel?

    Why not put a four-cylinder on the crucifix, motor down the interstate on your moto-cross and expose yourself to an exponentially larger amount of souls at 60 miles per hour?

    Every time someone gives you a sign of the cross, you could attach a Dukes Of Hazzard-style horn that bleats the first few chords of "Jesus Is Ris'n Today" on it as a holy shout-out. Or you could put a sidecar on the moto-cross and a Barabbas of your choosing could ride along with you.

    Empty religious gestures, and the people who feel the need to do them, piss me off.
  2. Diabeetus

    Diabeetus Active Member

    I've passed him before and laughed when I saw the wheel. Couldn't tell if he was serious or not.
  3. Starman

    Starman Well-Known Member

    See, I'm going to emulate the pain and suffering of Jesus Christ, only not very much of it. ::) ::)
  4. heyabbott

    heyabbott Well-Known Member

    What was Sean Hannity doing outside of KC?
  5. three_bags_full

    three_bags_full Well-Known Member

    The phrase "Nerf thorns" has me fucking crying.
  6. 2muchcoffeeman

    2muchcoffeeman Active Member

    I expected to see this ...


    ... but Bubbler's correct.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2014
  7. PCLoadLetter

    PCLoadLetter Well-Known Member

    Doesn't understand the problem:

    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2014
  8. 2muchcoffeeman

    2muchcoffeeman Active Member

    ... but Gretzky gets the rebound and ...



    I'm going to hell. I've already been told.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2014
  9. Armchair_QB

    Armchair_QB Well-Known Member


    Dude, do unto others and shit.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2014
  10. joe king

    joe king Active Member

    I'm kind of partial to "moto-cross," myself. And throwing in the sidecar was a nice touch.
  11. kingcreole

    kingcreole Active Member

    Bubbler, that story was a classic!
  12. heyabbott

    heyabbott Well-Known Member

    PSALM 128
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