Jessica Simpson: QB killer

Have seen neither the Two Girls/One Cup clip, nor the Tubgirl Clip.....and have NO desire to.

 

but you're the one who brought it up.

 

That's awesome. Truly a story to tell the grandkids.

And, coincidentally, I've got a story about that Maxim cover. ...

I used to work in the dietary department at a nursing home when I was in high school and college -- five years, altogether. During my first few months, in the summer and winter of 2000, I worked primarily night shifts, side by side with people either in high school or on their summer breaks from school or who were "studying" at the community college (I use the quotes not to disparage community-college students everywhere, but to point out that the people I worked with who did were fucking morons). We were the "night kids."

I got along with most of the people; this was before they got to know me. But I was a quiet kid, who just wanted to get his work done and take his girlfriend to dinner afterward, so I just watched people verbally tear each other apart. And not everyone worked in harmony, which made for some interesting scenes and stories.

On staff with me were two community-college kids -- Sara and Bill; the "morons" were fun people, but generally quite mean-spirited to just about everyone who passed by. (Think Dante and Randall from "Clerks," only not as funny, fewer Star Wars references, slightly less vulgar and Sara was a 250-pound behemoth of a 20-year-old girl.) They were OK with me, but hated Justin. This dude was 6-foot-7, went to a decent state school in New York, a science major, whose life-long dream was to be a coroner. He was very morbid in speech. Everything came back to death; it was annoying and disgusting. Justin was the type of kid you fucking know didn't get laid. Ever. Possibly even asexual.

Justin was a tool.

Anyway, I came into work one night and Bill took me into the cafeteria to show me a picture -- the Maxim cover with Jessica Simpson on it. I'd never seen her or heard of her before, but I was quite taken. I believe my exact words were: "I'd let her touch me." Bill got a laugh and said, "Hold on. Let me get Justin."

Justin came into the cafeteria wearing a hairnet and latex gloves, and I figured I had to catch this show. Bill smiles to me, as if to say, "This is going to be good." He was right. Bill holds up the magazine and says, "OK, Justin. What do you think of her?"

With his giant hands perched on his hips, Justin smirks and says, "Yeah, so?" Not a second went by before the three of us heard, "He's gay," coming from behind the far wall. Sara was sitting there the entire time, listening to the conversation.

Justin stormed out of the cafeteria and began ladling out soup and pureed vegetables for the old folks. He didn't say much the rest of the night.

We never did find out if Justin was gay or if he had ever gotten laid -- by either a member of any gender. But I'll never forget how incredibly gorgeous Jessica Simpson is, and I've got that giant fuck to thank for that.

 

After reading this, I was afraid the story was going to somehow involve a tube sock and some Jurgens. Glad I was wrong.

 

mikeg,

Thanks for sprinkling salt peter all over Jessica Simpson with that story.

 

Post. Of. The. Day.

 

That's why Jesus told me about this site, Ace.



"It's true."

 

solid. damn solid TFP.

 

BC-FBN--T.O. & Jessica Simpson,0278
Terrell Owens of the Dallas Cowboys to Jessica Simpson: Back off our quarterback
AP Photo IRV131
IRVING, Texas (AP) — Terrell Owens has a message for Jessica Simpson: Stay away.
The 27-year-old singer-actress has become Public Enemy No. 1 among Dallas Cowboys fans because of a link being made between her appearance at Sunday’s game and the poor performance of her new boyfriend, quarterback Tony Romo.
“Right now, Jessica Simpson is not a fan favorite — in this locker room or in Texas Stadium,” Owens said Wednesday.
The Cowboys lost 10-6 to the Philadelphia Eagles and Romo had what was statistically the worst game of his career, all while Simpson sat in a luxury box wearing a pink No. 9 jersey she proudly showed off for television cameras.
The problem for her is, Romo’s previous worst game came last December at home to the Eagles when then-girlfriend Carrie Underwood was in attendance.
“With everything that has happened, obviously with the way Tony played and the comparison between her and Carrie Underwood, I think a lot of people feel she has taken his focus away,” Owens said, echoing the chatter on sports-talk radio and blogs. “Other than that, she was high on my list until last week.
“Oh, I got a message for her when we make the playoffs. Just stay tuned.”
———
On the Net:
Jessica Simpson:
http://www.jessicasimpson.com/

 

I love that the AP story about Owens wanting Simpson to stay away included a link to Simpson's website.

 

What a silly-ass story.
Tony Romo is a grown man and a pro quarterback. It ain't like he's some 14-year-old making his first start for the varsity and you're worried about him getting distracted by Mary Jane Rottencrotch being in the stands. The guy had a messed up thumb. He would have played shitty if O.J. Simpson was in the stands wearing a pink Cowboys jersey.
And for T.O. to talk about someone's behavior taking away from the focus of the team...talk about the pot calling the kettle black.