Jemele's Original Column Idea

If you combined this Simmons piece (http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/061103) with this Neel column (http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=neel/071126&sportCat=nba) in the Ronco Column Recycler it might generate a replica of today's Jemele Hill offering (http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=hill/071226&sportCat=nba). Glue the "hated rivals are good" rhetoric from the Simmons piece onto Neel's anti-Celtic stuff and, presto bango, we've got a new column.

I realize there's only so many original column ideas out there and its easy to inadvertantly duplicate others, but this umpteenth version of the "why sports hatred is healthy" theme struck me as particularly derivative--where it felt like I'd read the same column dressed in different clothes a half-dozen times before. Is there any point where that stuff starts to cross ethical lines?

 

Wrong.

 

You're asking me to read three ESPN columnists.

Not gonna happen.

 

I'm in too good a mood to read Simmons and Hill in the same sitting...

 

If you take this SportsJournalists.com thread: http://www.sportsjournalists.com/forum/posts/1412432/ And combine it with this SportsJournalists.com thread (or any other that somehow rips Jemele Hill): http://www.sportsjournalists.com/forum/threads/40149/ And put them in the Ron Popeil Thread Recycler, presto chango, you get this SportsJournalists.com thread: http://www.sportsjournalists.com/forum/ Settle down, broseph, it will all be ok.

 

You're a foul one, Mr. Skip
You fill us all with rage,
You're worse than Mariotti
And you lose to Woody Paige, Mr. Ski-i-i-i-p . . . .

You're a bad reporter --
With greasy blonde haaaaaair

You're a monster, Mr. Skip
Your head's an empty hole
Your face is made of plastic
You prob'ly sold your soul, Mr. Ski-i-i-i-i-p --

I wouldn't read you if you beat me with a 39 and a half foot pooooole

You're a vile one, Mr. Skip
You have botox in your smile
You'd eliminate all field goals
And send kickers down the Nile, Mr. Ski-i-i-p --

Given the choice I think I'd go with . . . the kickers down the Niiiiiiiile

You're a foul one, Mr. Skip
You're often full of bunk
They gave your show a bad time-slot
Your columns are all junk, Mr. Ski-i-i-i-p . . .

The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote,
"YOU. LOOK. DRUNK"

You're a rotter, Mr. Skip
You're the king of stupid hacks
You ramble on for hours
And you never check your facts, Mr. Ski-i-i-p . . .

Your soul is an apalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of rubbish imaginable . . .

Mangled up in designer slaaaaaacks

 

Holy shit. Where did you find that, LJB?

 

Somebody posted that on Deadspin two years ago.

 

That just made me laugh for the first time all day. Thank you.