Jared from Subway

I'm going to hell because I laughed at that.

 

You, me, and probably half of sj.com.

 

We have Father Flanagan on Subway's Fresh Take Hotline, go ahead Father.
"Yeah, first time caller, love the show. How could Jared know how old these alleged kids are. The way they dress and shave themselves, you can't tell a 14 year old from an 8 yearly any more."

 

Subway suspends relationship with Jared by mutual agreement.

Good. We can cross off a category from the Commercials We Hate thread.

 

Eat freshmen?

 

If I were setting odds on which spokesman's morality would embarrass the daylights out of Subway, Jay Glazer would have topped the board at 1-2.

 

Jared always asks people to hold his mayo.

 

Okay, Jared, I need one each of the following tapes: "Whispers in the Wind", "To Each His Own", "Put It Where It Doesn't Belong", "My Pipes Need Cleaning", "All Tit-Fucking, Volume 8", "I Need Your Cock", "Ass-Worshipping Rimjobbers", "My pussycat and Eight Shafts", "Cum Clean", "Cum-Gargling Naked Sluts", "Cum Buns 3", "Cumming in Socks", "Cum on Eileen", "Huge Black Cocks with Pearly White Cum", "Girls Who Crave Cock", "Girls Who Crave pussycat", "Men Alone 2: The K-Y Connection", "Pink Pussy Lips", oh yeah, and, uh, "All Holes Filled with Hard Cock".

And of course, Happy Scrappy, Hero Pup for the kids.

 

He'll be continuing his steady diet of footlongs from inside

 

And asking for double meat in his bun.

 

I almost hyperventilated reading that.