I've said many stupid things before, but this.........

I was the announcer for the high school alumni basketball game fundraiser. Before we got started, I asked if this was supposed to be serious or was I supposed to make fun of these guys because it was just a fund raiser. "Oh, make fun" I was told.

3 times down the floor and the alumni team had dumped the ball inside each time, and each time the center could not hang on to the ball.

So after the third time, I say, in front of about 300 people in the gym, "hey John Doe, the game is easier when you hang on to the ball".


Next time down the floor he runs past the scorers table, holds up both arms...

And is missing one hand. I am not sure I have ever been so embarrased. He was fine with it, but still...

 

My niece was born with only 3 fingers on her left hand. First day of first grade the teacher wants to do an arithmetic exercise on "10's". She asked the students to put their fingers on the desk and begins counting off. Of course, my niece can't get to the first "5". Niece raised her hand for attention, and said to the teacher "Yeah, does this freak you out?" She'll go far.

 

My rule is this:

If you're an alcoholic and you've quit drinking, you're not allowed to be offended when someone who is completely unaware of your disease offers you a drink.

 

Reread Chef's post. The guy told him all about how he used to be in rehab and doesn't drink anymore.

But in general theory I agree with you.

 

That's what I get for skimming posts. Now who's the idiot?

 

I'm at church one time having a conversation with some old lady sitting next to me, we were poking fun at the strange people around.

I point out some dude with a terrible toupee and say: "What animal is that on his head."

The lady responded, I don't know, I'll ask him, he's my cousin.

 

Man, that guy's having a bad year.

 

The less you mention, the better.

I've been dinged for not mentioning different hair and such. But I'll take that over the serious peppering guys usually get for TMI, particularly when it comes to hair, clothes, weight and such.

See also: Loaded situation

 

It is so not cool to ask a female if she's pregnant. If she wants you to know, she'll tell you. If she's not pregnant, you're channeling Nathan R. Jessup. The someone said, no-win.

Along the same lines, I think I saw the all-time worst cutline several years ago. A coach who had adopted a couple of children from Russia had a family photo in the paper along with a feature story about the adoptions. One of the childrent had some severe birth defects, and the cutline said "so-and-so, who is deformed ..." I'm still cringing just thinking about it.

 

Re: Females and pregnancy;

Unless it's yours......the less you know, the better.

 

Really, what was the person thinking when they wrote that? That people would think he had adopted a troll if they didn't explain it?

 

I asked Johnny Unitas what it was like to play for Don Shula.
There was 5 seconds of silence when I realized that Unitas hated Shula for not putting him in earlier in Super Bowl III.
Then he said, "Interesting."
I still can't believe my stupidity on that one.