Is It Wrong to Avoid Handing Out Halloween Candy??

Fuckers think they're better than everyone else...

 

They could compromise by giving out Swedish Fish.

 

Distance between you and small children can only be a good thing.

 

I started to balk at handing out candy based on the price of the bags of assorted chocolate goodies. Then I found a bag of Dum Dums, 200 for $5. That should last me the night. I kept the bag of KitKats for myself.

 

Wow. I bet if the kids were going door-to-door looking for illicit drugs, y'all would really be pissed.

 

Mickey's ponys with Reese's taped to them. That would rule.

 

I'm just going to hand out Bibles and tracts that warn of the dangers of Satanic music....like One Direction...and twerking.

 

I'm finally going to start turning away fuckers who make no effort. Those teenagers who don't dress up, but walk around the neighborhood carrying a pillow case and expecting candy? THEY GET NOTHING!!!!

 

And before you slam the door, you should yell, GOOD NIGHT, SIR!

 

Ha.

As long as it's not raining, I'll be sitting out front drinking and trying not to eat all the candy. I should turn the fog machine on those little assholes, though.

 

The last three years we've gone over to my in-laws to trick or treat. There's a few reasons we do this, but the biggest is to avoid the people who travel across town to trick or treat in our neighborhood. I have no problem with the kids coming over here, but the parents who they bring with them are insufferable.

These are things parents of these kids have said to me while I'm handing out candy.

"This is a nice house, how much did it cost?"

"Can I use your bathroom?"

"I'm thirsty, can you get me a bottled water?"

That's not even counting the people who stick their head in the doorway trying to look inside the house. Always the parents, never the kids...

The lady who asked if she could use the bathroom started yelling at me when I said no. She did the same thing with my next-door neighbor, which was a mistake... He's a cop. She drove off angrily right after my neighbor told her the same thing I did.

So the last few years, we've put the house on lockdown, turned out the lights and head to the in-laws. I don't blame anybody who doesn't want to hand out candy when you have to deal with people like that.

 

We've been lucky in our current place. Most of the parents stand on the sidewalk out front while their kids come up to the door for the candy. The parents have generally been pretty easy to deal with. Hopefully, it stays that way.