'Is it ever OK to spank a child?'

I was spanked ... and I have spanked. Neither I nor my children are the worse for it. But we're not the better for it, either, which is, I think, the whole point. That's why I dropped spanking from the repertoire long before my middle child -- now 16 and three inches taller than me -- was out of elementary school.

That said, there are some lines that simply cannot be crossed -- e.g., you don't cross that street without an adult, you don't open that gate to that pool unless I (or Mom) say OK -- and if it takes the credible threat of a swat on the bottom to ensure they're not breached, then I'm not ruling anything out.

 

Knew it was a matter of time before somebody on SportsJournalists.com stepped up and showed their ignorance. Thank you for getting it out of the way so quickly, cran.

 

Ha. I thought you were being sarcastic. Maybe I'm not so well-adjusted.

So: I am not sure that it hurt, long-term, so much as it did not help the behavior at all in the moment. But, then again, my dad usually hit out of impatience and anger rather than a controlled system of punishment. That alters the calculus a lot. I did go to college with a pretty explosive temper that reared up a few times early on before some of my older friends/mentors put me in my place. I didn't know how to behave, because he set a bad example. I got in some fights in junior high, too.

Long-term, I think my mother's teasing - she's a teaser, god love her - hurt more than my dad's temper.

 

The second part is an excellent point, one often forgotten during these discussions.

"Well, my kids are amazing, so I know everything." No. You don't. And screw you for not giving them enough credit for being amazing.

Time outs do not always work. They do not work at all with some children. Consistency, on the other hand, is extremely important with most.

 

We will slap the hand. I have popped Lil 93 a few times on the ass, but it's a once a year thing now. Before, maybe 2-3 times a year.

She ran away from me once at Busch Gardens. When I caught her, I spun her around in front of about 200 people and gave one good wham on the ass. All I said was don't you ever run away from me again. Surprisingly, none of the "no spank" people, if they were in the crowd, said anything. Lil 93 has not run away since.

I have heard the term "couch parents" who will sit on the couch saying "don't do that" but never get off the couch even though the behavior persists and does not stop. Those are the kids I worry about.

 

Yeah, that's why I crouch to his level and engage him and look him in the eye. Or put my hands on his shoulders to talk. You can be physical without spanking. And you probably need to be, just to let them know you're engaged.

 

Interesting discussion. I don't spank my kids however there was one time when my 20 month old was kicking and screaming and I gave him a whack to get his attention. Truthfully I think I gave him the swat out of my frustration than his tantrum.

Time outs do work for him. I give the 3 count warning and off he goes. It seems to correct the behavior.

I am fairly strong in the anti-spank camp as my dad had no qualms about swinging a belt with some regularity. It gravitated to open hand slaps upside the head (that's an open hand slap boyTM Dr "D" David Shultz. I don't think it corrected my behavior.

My 5 year old girl is the best little girl in the world and would never do anything that would warrant a spanking

 

I was spanked. Hard. With a big wooden paddle. On quite a few occasions. I had an old school daddy (but a good one) and was a bit of an obstinate kid--bad combination.

I've often thought about whether it had a lasting effect, whether good or bad, but, to be honest, don't really know. Other than the ass bruises, I think I was basically the same kid the next day. I still loved my daddy (but hated that fucking paddle), don't think there was any lasting emotional damage, and could still be an obstinate kid.

 

Yep, the person who wrote that needs an ass-kicking. Or a spanking.

 

Spanking a child is just a failure in parenting.

 

I'm a failure as a parent, because I spank my kids. I don't beat my kids, which I think is a difference. I will pass my two boys a slap on their behind when I feel they deserve one.

What I've found is that the threat of a spanking has been a lot more effective than actual spanking. Would that threat mean anything without having spanked them in the first place? I don't know, but I'm sure it has something to do with it.

That said, I was spanked as a child, a lot. I was whipped with a paddle at school. I was whipped with a belt, a switch, a paddle at home. I didn't grow up to be a violent person. I've been in one fist-fight in my entire life. I don't beat my wife. I don't smoke. I don't do drugs. I rarely drink.

I have no problem with corporal punishment, but I'm one of those mindless idiots who thinks the lack of corporal punishment is the reason for the declining respect among our youth. Right or wrong, I will raise my kids to respect adults and authority, and I honestly could give two shits what anyone thinks about how I raise my kids. I don't tell you how to mow your lawn, don't mess with me about how I mow mine.

 

This is pretty much where I stand, except I never got spanked with a paddle and I had a fairly long history of smoking and drinking (sober more than 9 years now, however).

My two sons were pretty headstrong and they pushed the envelope, so they got spanked a fair bit. The princess got spanked exactly once, for going from one friend's house to another without telling me where she was. For her, the best discipline was a disapproving look or a sharp rebuke. She wanted to please so much that that was usually effective.

I should say that all three of them turned out just fine.