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I'm unreasonably sad about my car

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by beanpole, Apr 30, 2012.

  1. bigpern23

    bigpern23 Well-Known Member

    It's a reputation well-earned. My parents owned one for about 50,000 miles and had nothing but problems with it (including a door panel that simply wouldn't stay on, no matter how many times they brought it back to the dealer -- it just kept falling off). They traded it in and unbelievably bought another Chrysler, this time a 300.

    The 300 has treated them well, but I was shocked they bought a Chrysler after dealing with that lousy Sebring for five years. Glad yours didn't give you any problems, but theirs was a POS.
     
  2. Versatile

    Versatile Active Member

    What I'll miss most are the memories. That rusted piece of shit '83 Cutlass Ciera didn't have much giddy-up by the time I'd inherited it. But it had enough to burn out of the driveway when her parents were coming home. They knew it was me, sure. But they couldn't catch me. Never could.

    She could, though. Really, I caught her. I made her laugh, first. I made her cry, later. But we're not there yet. She furrowed her brow when she saw the Cutlass. Brad Elmont had a Mustang convertible. Fuck Ford and fuck Mustangs. Fucking Taurus with two fewer doors and one fewer roof, if you ask me. I couldn't compete. But she hadn't seen what was under the trunk yet.

    I named the car Axl, as much for the singer from Guns N' Roses as the hope that the wheels wouldn't fly off one day on a speed bump. It had a big back seat. That helps. Stick shift. Electric windows and locks. The moon roof was broken. What's the point in a moon roof, anyway?

    I drove with the windows down, mostly. The tape deck was broken, so I drove with the windows down. When I'd pull up at a stop sign, I'd sing loudly to whatever the car next to me was listening to. That's how I caught her eye. New Kids on the Block song. She was the new kid on the block. She hadn't met Brad Elmont yet, so there was every chance she'd touch my penis.

    She furrowed her brow when she saw the Cutlass. The dark-gray paint was fading in parts, revealing the rusted metal around the edges of the frame. There was a dent on the passenger's side back door from where my brother knocked over Jessica Lee's mailbox on his own speedy escape one night in 1987. Her parents couldn't catch him, either. But he did pay to fix the mailbox.

    This was my car now. And she would be my Jessica Lee for the summer of 1994. And when we'd go back to school, she'd meet Brad Elmont and probably give him a handjob in his Mustang. But first, the back seat of my Cutlass.

    It's the memories I'll miss most. The car sputtered at times and burned gas like trees in the California desert. But I kept the inside clean. Always. No eating in my car. I'd pull out of the McDonald's drive through at lunch, and someone would go for a fry. No eating in my car. Get the fuck out or hold off until we're back at school. I'd order Big Macs, mostly. I liked the special sauce.

    She was 5-foot-7, a volleyball player. She'd look good on the back of a motorcycle, probably. Maybe somewhere in the South. But when she was in my car, I'd pull the passenger's side seat up a bit. She'd have to flex her legs in those jean shorts. She never missed a spot while shaving. I examined closely enough to know.

    We went to the drive-in for the first date. It was an old and dirty place that showed porno flicks during the week and 6-month-old popular movies on Fridays and Saturdays. We saw Forrest Gump. I still think that Jenny was a bitch. My girl, she wasn't. I even let her eat popcorn. Took me two hours to vacuum the car the next day.

    But you can't remove the stains of happiness.
     
  3. 93Devil

    93Devil Well-Known Member

    I have to ask...

    Did you just write this?
     
  4. Versatile

    Versatile Active Member

  5. 93Devil

    93Devil Well-Known Member

    Great work

    If you are not already, start saving these in a file.
     
  6. bigpern23

    bigpern23 Well-Known Member

    A drive-through movie theater? Did they play Forrest Gump at 1,000x speed? :D
     
  7. 93Devil

    93Devil Well-Known Member

    Something was moving at 1,000x speed that night.
     
  8. Versatile

    Versatile Active Member

    That's actually a great idea for porn, though.
     
  9. murphyc

    murphyc Well-Known Member

    The night moves in Versatile's Ciera.
    Great writing, Versatile. It's going to be hard for anyone to top that.
     
  10. playthrough

    playthrough Moderator Staff Member

    Loved my first car, a burgundy '87 Jeep Cherokee. Total freedom mobile for high school; the very first weekend I had it I went on a scavenger hunt and one of the items on the list was a horseshoe from a farm. Long story short -- that horseshoe is in the Ford Taurus in my driveway now. Been in every car I've owned for 20 years.

    Anyway, the Jeep was great. Plenty of room, good motor, had an upgraded Blaupunkt stereo when my folks bought it used. When I locked my keys in it, which I did every few months, I could break in through the triangle side windows with a coat hanger or, oddly, a piece of wire from the engine of a Jeep Wrangler (dealer taught me that trick; no wonder there was a rash of break-ins in Cherokees once at my high school). Went with me to college too, surviving a wreck on the highway where I smashed the left-front to holy hell. I wasn't afraid to lend it to friends at the college newspaper, even my editor who once got the ignition key stuck in it, not knowing that sometimes you had to torque the wheel to get the key out.

    After the wreck -- I could only afford to have it "pulled" out to be driveable, not a full fix -- the car still ran but wasn't exactly attractive anymore. Still, it lasted through college and to my first job. It's last Big Moment was being the prop in my marriage proposal -- to that editor who once thought she had broken the ignition. Was pouring that night in St. Augustine, Fla., so I just proposed in the car. Not so romantic, but the wife and I can laugh about it now, 12 years later.

    The Jeep didn't last 12 more years, though, we traded it in to get an unwrecked car to take to the wedding. My wife cried right there in the dealer's lot. I know they scrapped the thing, I should have negotiated to get a seat or a door or something.
     
  11. FileNotFound

    FileNotFound Well-Known Member

    Versatile's been on a tear lately.

    Me, I'm a car guy. Most of the bad decisions I've made over the last 25 years involved a car in some fashion. I'm hoping that I ended that streak a few years ago.

    I got caught up in the hubris of 2006 and traded my paid-off Oldsmobile Alero (which I had bought new in 2000) for a Cadillac CTS.

    In six years with the Alero, it took me everywhere I wanted to go in quiet comfort. The only mechanical problem it ever had was an issue with the fuel injector, which happened right before the warranty expired. It was a black 2-door, looked good, ran reasonably well, got 30 mpg on the highway, handled nicely, and did absolutely everything I asked of it.

    But all I had ever wanted was a Cadillac. At pretty much the exact moment where I was financially able to lease the least expensive new one on the lot, I did so.

    The car was in the shop four times the first 16 months I owned it with "electrical issues" and "software issues." I posted extensively about one of them on this board, in a post titled something like, "Sorry, Detroit, I tried." It was a sharp-looking car on the outside, but the interior was, frankly, meh. I so wanted to love that car, but I just never could. As time went on, I came to realize that the only reason I had leased it was out-of-control ego.

    When the lease expired, I gave it back without a regret and bought a Mazda 3, which is dollar-for-dollar the best car I've ever had. I learned a valuable lesson in being careful what I wished for.
     
  12. beanpole

    beanpole Member

    An update: I have a new ride, a 2011 Toyota RAV4. After having fun with the convertibles for the last decade, I feel much more grown up and responsible with this purchase. And, unlike the Sebring, I fully expect to be driving this one past 250,000 miles.
     
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