I'm just about to lose it....

Dear board,

Regardless of what you think about me, I'm hoping for some collective support to get me through my most recent trials and tribulations.

I came home on Dec. 10 and my wife told me that she wants a divorce. I would say it was from out of the blue, but that would be a lie. We all know that there are indications that we chose to ignore in our life, and reflection on those has shown me that there have been problems that we were both ignoring. But this was still a shock because I didn't think we had gotten to this point in our lives. I have stayed one night in my house since then (two nights ago) after she left to go to her mom's for Christmas. I have had to sleep on couches and guest rooms, using up my friends' patience and kindness. To them, I am truly grateful.

Part of the trials has been my vehicle situation. In April, my car blew a head gasket on I-20. Just died. Of course, it had 250,000 miles on it, so not much of a surprise. We got lucky and a friend sold us their SUV (a 2005 Honda Pilot) for $5,000, wiping out most of our rainy day savings. I took over the 2000 Honda Civic we had. In September, I rear ended a truck, mainly because I'm stupid and wasn't paying attention. About $200 of damage to his truck; about $4000 to mine. Obviously totaled, we had to buy me another car.

So we picked up a 2001 Nissan Altima, and everything was fine until about three weeks ago when it just stopped starting. Nothing when I turned the key. I have replace relays, the battery, and now on the third starter. The starter is a whole other issue that I'm dealing with, because the mechanics aren't doing the diagnostic work correctly, and now they're going to have to pay for it. My friend lent me his spare car so I could get to my mom's for Christmas.

But honestly, as I sit here and reflect on my life, I just don't know where to go. Jobs are scarce, I'm scared of what is brewing in my marriage (we're going to therapy on Jan. 2, but who knows?) and if the car isn't a simple fix, I don't have the money to purchase another one at this point.

I have seen the miracles of prayer or group thoughts or whatever you want to call it. I need some now. And despite of what this board is, we do come together for support in troubling times. I love you guys for that.

Thanks in advance, and Merry Christmas...

 

Sorry to hear that, man. Really am. Sounds like it's generally money problems. Hopefully you can work on that in therapy and get on the right track.

 

I'll throw one up there for you.

Try to keep them compartmentalized and not let the car trouble spill over and help affect the marriage problems If you can find the right car, it's a quick fix. Same with the job.

Focus every moment you can on the relationship and get that fixed (or resolved). Then move on to the next-most important thing.

Good luck and God bless.

 

BD, first off, remember that the holidays are considered the most stressful time of the year, which puts everyone on edge. Hopefully, it's just the stress that is making you and your wife more unhappy and considering such a drastic step. Hopefully, the counseling, which is after the holidays, will help.

Where did you buy the Altima from, a dealership? Check the warranties (some states require longer ones than others), and check the Lemon Laws in your state. A car that just conks out after 2 months doesn't sound right.

Take a few deep breaths, and good luck.

 

There are always rays of sunshine even on a cloudy day...I hope you can find those specks of brightness BD.

I'll pray for you and have the radio station I work with pray as well. Best of luck in a happy result ahead!

 

I send the anonymous love and warmest wishes of this small household. Hang on, my friend. Hang on.

 

hang in there, man. i don't know you but it will get better. it always does, eventually, so hopefully this is rock bottom and whether your car is fixable or whether your marriage is save-able or not, you'll start 2012 in the upswing.

if the marriage is over, maybe it's over. that doesn't mean you suck or that you're a failure. the car stuff is bad f'ing luck. it will get better.

merry christmas.

 

While things are looking bleak now, if you keep yourself focused they will get better. Do yourself a big favor and get a lawyer NOW! Some legal advice on how to handle things from this point on could save you substantial headaches as well as money. First thing - never ever voluntarily leave the house to live elsewhere, even if your wife asks (or demands) that you do so, not even for a single night.

I hope everything works out.

 

yeah, i second what thomsonONE says. i'm a lawyer (though i don't do family law) and you can't go wrong by at least consulting an attorney just to see what you need to do if the marriage counseling doesn't go the right way. look at it this way, you're not betraying her or disavowing the marriage by consulting a lawyer. you're taking care of yourself.

 

bd, I wish I could offer a solution on the relationship, but I'm not qualified -- we went through our own mess a few months ago and I still think we're even money to end up in divorce court in 6 months. the only thing I learned is that if the missus ain't happy, nobody is. I hope you find peace there and patch things up.

Regarding the car, mine suddenly died a couple of weeks ago and it baffled the mechanics who were convinced I needed a new starter. It turns out I just needed a new fuse, a repair that cost less than $10. I hope you're as lucky. If they've not checked the fuses yet, make sure they do so ...

 

hey BD, just checking in. Hope the counseling was fruitful.

 

Copperpot...thanks for the thoughts

Counseling didn't happen. She's convinced it's over and I'm not going to fight it any more.

The car is fixed. And work has picked up recently. So all is not lost.

Again thanks.