I'm illiterate thanks to Babelfish

I've been running different things through the Babelfish translator, often several times, to get the often humorous results. And in the several minutes since I've stopped doing that, everything I read, even things that are grammatically correct, flow through my mind they're being uttered by a drunk Japanese man in broken English. I can't stand it. I've had to concentrate like crazy just to get this typed...

The moral of the story is: Don't spend more than two or three minutes messing around on that translator site.

 

Or, if you read like I do now, the previous post says:

I differing through the translator of Babelfish, am moving several times which directly obtain the humorous result frequently frequently. And being to stop the fact that I do that in several minutes the flow with my heart which is said by the Japanese person where English where entirely, grammatically correct thing those where I read are broken becomes drunk. As for me it is not possible to raise that. As for me insanity this being typed exactly, in order to be able... the way does not concentrate moral of the story is as follows: Without the stand in the place of that translator who becomes 2 3 minutes or more you do not have to use.

 

English to French to Italian back to English...

 

Oh, Rusty...don't blame Babelfish for your longstanding problems.

 

The best piece of sportsjournalism of all-time, on behalf of the fish of babel via english-french-german-english translation:

They went to the mast for the sixth race with Jamaica two olds from year some, which make their first beginning, in order to set for five from the respected parts thousand one half for a scholarship from four thousand dollar to. They lowered slowly the straight line of the side, those toward the door some among them, that advance at small gallopp other became go opposite, and adjusted them in the pressure crate their functioning, or their more badiner to observe, the "air elevator," Ploetze of Jim indicated the majority among them, that are interested in a horse. "full attack brother." Attack, which won the three-way crown..., which makes these, also by Bold venture a winner of Derby outside of Igual themselves by the large equilibrium... ... and the small type upright, which makes its first beginning, perhaps the beginning of another large career receives large names in accordance with multiplication. They were well deleted, although the air elevator was fifth. They shifted toward the first revolution, as it and the air elevator were fourth maintained. They went in into the revolution, by them and the air elevator to disappear thirdly perhaps, if suddenly it began, a horse maintained, which and below holds on in the conditions slowed down, you cry suddenly hear could like peace left it the limping distiller, which tries, to run but slip his Jockey Dave Gorman to fall to the half those to the half on, far. "it broke a leg!" someone, which holds binoculars on its eyes, in the pressure crate cried. "it broke a leg!" Downward under them for the peace, by crying the straight end now, but in the intra field ran the men fell, toward the revolution, river toward the Colts and the boy, which in the proximity it hold itself, only. There was a station car, which shifts itself the way toward her, and then in one time the large green car that they call the horse ambulance. "one cried indicated Gorman by them, which comes out from the arget2_0_saal, as a baby". "he said that he must make a step in a hole, but you would have to see it crying." "it is their joint before left" Dr. J.G. Catlett, which said veterinary surgeon. "it is a compound break; and I wait for the confirmation of Mr. Hirsch to destroy around it." It held the exterior for one of the stables beyond the straight line of the opposite side, and it had just placed in a call in Kentucky, where deer maximum the coach and Robert adhesive, the owner, who experiences sales of a yearly. "make for you as it?" one among them indicated. "right, as soon as I the doctor said can". "as soon as I will receive the confirmation. If it were a usual horse, I make there it for straight." It turned on by the road and around another barn, where they had the horse. The horse was always in the car approximately twenty sturdy hands in the sweating of soiled dungarees and shirts naked head or old port hats, which holds around itself calmly and with the Dr. M.A. Gilman, observes, auxiliary veterinary surgeon. "we could likewise it outside of the car," Catlett so-called receive "before we it the Novocain gave. It will be better outside in the sky." The boy in the car with the Colt led outside then to limp from Colt to to that its head, the blood throws, which unload themselves, and which its left earlier leg cover. If they saw it, which holds itself there except the car, now the boy, hold it they began to speak tenderly. "full attack brother." ... "it does not make a difference now. It is made." ... ", but in the bucket, which small large horse." ... "Aint it a horse?"



Boy I'm bored, and I still can't read.

 

"The original title of this book was 'Jimmy James, Capitalist Lion Tamer' but I see now that it's... 'Jimmy James, Macho Business Donkey Wrestler'... you know what it is... I had the book translated in to Japanese then back in again into English. Macho Business Donkey Wrestler... well there you go... it's got kind of a ring to it don't it? Anyway, I wanted to read from chapter three... which is the story of my first rise to financial prominence... I had a small house of brokerage on Wall Street... many days no business come to my hut... my hut... but Jimmy has fear? A thousand times no. I never doubted myself for a minute for I knew that my monkey strong bowels were girded with strength like the loins of a dragon ribboned with fat and the opulence of buffalo... dung. ...Glorious sunset of my heart was fading. Soon the super karate monkey death car would park in my space. But Jimmy has fancy plans... and pants to match. The monkey clown horrible karate round and yummy like cute small baby chick would beat the donkey."

Question: "Mr. James, what did you mean when you wrote bad clown making like super American car racers, I would make them sweat, War War?"
Mr. James: "Well, you know... it's LIKE when a clown is making like a car... racer... it's sorta... like... the FCC. The CLOWN... the clown is like the FCC... and I was opposed to the FCC at the time, right? So it was like I was declaring War. WARRRR!"

Question: "So then did the American yum yum clown monkey also represent the FCC?"
Mr. James: "Yeah, it did. Thanks a LOT!"

Question: "What did you mean when you said, "Feel my skills, donkey donkey donkey, donkey donkey?"
Mr. James: *Sigh*

 

Mr. James' book passage becomes:

"The lion of the capitalist of ジミージェームス you used ' ' the original title of this book and were, but... so being to be, I see, ' the wrestling player of the Macho business donkey... that... those which are me who have known the book in English and had translating ジミージェームス ' for the second time in Japanese. With the healthy wrestling player... there that... does the Macho business donkey which goes to that the ring of type that have? In any case, as for me the house whose many day Wall Street brokerage is small to me whom you think that... to excellence characteristic of public finance the story of my first rise... 3rd we would like to read from the chapter which is... business... my shed... does not come in my shed, but there is a possibility in ジミー, oh it is high. The strength the strong intestine like the hip of the dragon and as for my monkey which grants the water buffalo... the fat of the fertilizer and between by its of my amount having known wealth and ribboned thing thousand times No. which I do not doubt under any condition. ... My central magnificent sunset had atrophied. It parks the dead car of the extreme karate monkey directly in my space. But as for ジミー luxurious plan... and the pants it should agree, it has. Like the chick of the lovely small baby circle and as for the karate where the buffoonery teacher of the tasty monkey is fearful the donkey which is struck. "



I personally like this part: "My central magnificent sunset had atrophied. It parks the dead car of the extreme karate monkey directly in my space."

 

Rusty, I believe you ... have issues.

 

That was freakin' hysterical.