I'll always be your buddy and pal... if you'll irrigate my ear canal.

So I've had a whirlwind last week. I left the business and started a new job. I punched a hole in the ceiling of my old apartment building, cut the ass end off a couch, have been living out of a suitcase in my parents house.

Anyway, the new gig requires a physical. I passed, but the doc recommended I clean out my ears. So I got one of those bulbous washers, and did my best. I ended up completley clogging my left ear. Completely. Couldn't hear a damn thing.

So I go to a quick care facility today. The lady basically has a spray bottle, attaches a small hose to it with a needle on the end. Then she proceeds to shove the needle in my ear and pumps water into my head.

Ever had this done? Ho-leee shit. First I feel this deep chill right above my jaw. Then the fucking room started to spin. It felt like I got plastered in 30 seconds flat. But after she finished... even better. It was like someone turned up the volume to 11.

Seriously, it's fantastic. And it feels all funky. So, in conclusion... get your ears cleaned. If not for the better hearing, for the drunk feeling without a hangover.

 

I can attest to that. I didn't get the drunk feeling, but couldn't hear a damn thing until she put the end of the syringe in my ear and started squirting the solution in there. After a few seconds, I felt a big pressure buildup, then the sound that was akin to a cork coming out of a wine bottle. It was ecstacy, and even little non-sounds like feet walking on carpet became louder than I could have ever imagined.

I've had minor bouts with wax buildup since, and my doctor gave me a great remedy: Put several drops of stool softener (seriously) in the ear and let it sit while lying on your side for a good 15-20 minutes. Then stick the end of a Water Pik in the ear with some warm water in the reservoir, and let it blast away at full steam. I've tried it at home and it works beautifully.

 

Hilarious. I literally went deaf in one ear several years ago and had this done at the walk-in clinic. Amazing how loud and clear everything was afterward. Almost too much to bear at first. But damn it felt good.

 

Of course I've had it in the ear before.

 

Oh, man, I had this done about 15 years ago, and it turned out there was a ball of wax the size of a cherry pit. The doc showed it to me afterward. I was bouncing around that day, it just changed my whole outlook so wildly.

I've read stories about "ear-candling," a salon treatment that's popular among men in Asia and is starting to take hold in Asian parts of U.S. cities. It's the only spa-type treatment I've ever considered, but I'm really curious.

 

I wonder if you might want to reconsider that.
http://www.quackwatch.org/01QuackeryRelatedTopics/candling.html

http://healthwatcher.net/Quackerywatch/Ear-candling/index.html
http://www.cbc.ca/marketplace/pre-2007/files/health/earcandle/

 

My dog does this for me, by the way.

 

Question for those who've done this: What is your regular ear-cleaning routine? I've never had a doctor recommend this or even hint at it. Beyond the OP, what prompted anyone else to do it?

 

I had it done recently. Went swimming, had water stuck in there. Did all the home remedies, and a day later still could barely hear out of one hear. Went to the urgentcare center and they did the spray bottle technique. Greatest feeling afterwards. Never would have had it done if not for being unable to hear for a day, but now, I will request it any time I'm going in for a doc's appointment. Hey, they're seeing me for something, I might as well get my copay's worth!

And I've been told my "regular ear-cleaning routine" should be nothing. Ears clean themselves. Not sure I completely buy it, but I'm trying to live that way. No more Q-tips, for sure.

 

I usually end up getting dizzy from holding my head down near the fire hydrant before my pup manages get a good stream going.

 

Is this some kind of Paul Simon sequel to "You Can Call Me Al?"

 

When do we get the thread about enemas and high colonics?