If you beat your wife, this man can help....

Honest to God, I worked with a guy who wrote that as a headline for a story on a marriage counselor. He also wrote about a local judge of a sport who was a "veteran of 16 Olympiads" and the no-shit Sherlock kicker above Kate Smith's obit of "sang God Bless America" to which the rest of us in the office had fun for days with things like "weighed 800 pounds" or "Had never been laid".

Anyway, in his honor, I thought I'd post this from the Trib today, on United being sued because they overserved a Japanese man, who then beat his wife when the plane landed....



Couple accuse United Airlines of overserving husband, causing him to beat wife
Conflicting laws complicate case, legal experts say

By Julie Johnsson | Tribune reporter
December 17, 2008

This is no bar bet, it's a lawsuit. Can you get drunk on a flight, then sue the airline for giving you the booze?

A husband and wife are suing United Airlines for "negligently" overserving alcohol during a flight from Osaka, Japan, to San Francisco, saying the carrier's drinks fueled the domestic violence involving the two shortly after their plane landed.

Fortified with Burgundy wine allegedly supplied at 20-minute intervals by United crew members during the December 2006 trip, Yoichi Shimamoto became so inebriated "that he could not manage himself," according to a lawsuit filed Dec. 5 in U.S. District Court in Tampa.

Shimamoto was arrested, accused of disorderly conduct and battery after he struck his wife, Ayisha, six times, injuring her face and upper lip as they were heading through U.S. Customs in San Francisco, the complaint said.


http://www.chicagotribune.com/travel/chi-wed-overserved-united-uauadec17,0,7796929.story

 

I've got to admit it's getting better
I used to be cruel to my woman
I beat her and kept her apart from the things that she loved
Man I was mean but I'm changing my scene
And I'm doing the best that I can.

 

Diane Simmons: "Our top story - there was drama in the skies of Quahog today, as a Trans National 767 was forced to make a crash-landing."

Tom Tucker: "That's right, Diane. As if the world weren't already scary enough, it seems you can't even get on a plane safely these days. Channel 5 has the spectacular footage. Fortunately, no one was injured. However, using state-of-the-art Channel 5 computer technology, we'll show you how disastrous it could have been.

"Here's how it would have looked if the plane had crashed into a school.

"Now here's how it would've looked if the plane had crashed into a school for bunnies.

"Now here's how it would've looked if the plane had crashed into a school for bunnies but one passenger had survived, gone home, and mercilessly beat his wife."

Passenger: "I'm alive! But boy, am I angry! Someone's gonna have to pay for this!"

Passenger's wife, as she is repeatedly slapped: "Why?! Why?! Is this because I overcooked the roast?!"

Tom Tucker: "Powerful stuff. You'd have to be made of stone not to feel saddened by that."

 

Drunken Jap smacks wife
Kimono not a beater
Kentucky jealous

 

The guy went Ike Turner. What would've been the headline if she went Tina Turner?