"I was gonna tell you" -- your weird/horrible first date stories

Rumpleforeskin · Dec 5, 2008

For some reason, the other night, I ended up on Joe Rogan's web site and glanced on his blog. Sure enough, he posted this story about a time he went to a "porno party." It's perfect for SJ and I'll quote certain places to be sure not to ruin the greatness of it.

http://blog.joerogan.net/archives/101 (NSFW language and partial nudity)

So we’re all standing around, bullshitting and laughing, when all of a sudden some guys starts yelling an announcement.

“Ok, everybody take a seat, the movie is about to begin…”

…The fuck? The movie?

“Take a seat everybody, it’s time for the reason why we’re all here.”

Huh?

Slowly we piece together that this isn’t just a porno party, but rather a screening party for a new porno film.

OK. This is going to be weird.

The party stops, and they want us to sit down and watch the people fuck.

Before this, of course the director must address the crowd.

He gets up, and he thanks everyone for coming, and then he talks about the movie like it was some really difficult accomplishment, and about how so many people told him it couldn’t be done.

Now I’m really confused. “Isn’t this a porno film that he’s talking about?”
Click to expand...

a little later...

So the plot is something like there’s a chick that is a private detective, and she’s trying to find some information about a crime, so she’s interrogating this guy. They start talking, and one thing leads to another, and next thing you know, he’s fucking her face. Something silly along those lines. I don’t really remember exactly what the premise was, but I don’t think it’s all that important. What is important however, is that this scene is being played for the whole audience of party goers in this parking lot, and this girl is on her knees violently shoving this guys cock into her mouth while making noises that sound remarkably like an otter. While this is all happening on the screen, someone says, “She’s here!”

A car pulls into the parking lot, and the princess steps out and says hi to all her friends.

People applaud.

With her in the car, is a young guy. He looks like he’s in his early 20’s, and he doesn’t really seem like the type to be hanging around with a chick like her. Then I see his face when he looks up at the screen...
Click to expand...

Enjoy.

What are some our your horrible/interesting/weird first date stories?

dooley_womack1 · Dec 5, 2008

Walked right into a perfectly Windexed glass door when picking up my date for a junior-year high school dance. Needless to say, no face was fucked.

BYH · Dec 5, 2008

And yesterday she declined your facebook invite. The end.

dooley_womack1 · Dec 5, 2008

Oh go Twitter yourself

friend of a friend · Dec 5, 2008

I'm confused.

Tom Petty · Dec 5, 2008

friend of a friend said:

I'm confused.
Click to expand...

no. way.

dooley_womack1 · Dec 5, 2008

The thread should have been titled, "weird/horrible first-date fart stories"

friend of a friend · Dec 5, 2008

Tom Petty said:

friend of a friend said:

I'm confused.
Click to expand...

no. way.
Click to expand...

Yup.

Rumpleforeskin · Dec 5, 2008

Read this: http://blog.joerogan.net/archives/101

The crux it is...

With her in the car, is a young guy. He looks like he’s in his early 20’s, and he doesn’t really seem like the type to be hanging around with a chick like her. Then I see his face when he looks up at the screen and sees the girl that he arrived with, and she’s got her legs behind her head like a contortionist while this rather rude gentleman is alternating shoving his cock in her ass, and then her mouth, over and over again.

Ass, mouth, ass, mouth, ass, mouth.

The guy is grunting like a gorilla, and every time he shoves it in her mouth, she’s making the otter noise.

The kid’s eyes are locked on the screen. He’s got this look in his eyes is like he really believes that his brain must be malfunctioning. Like he just can’t comprehend what he’s watching. Like as if he didn’t even know she was a porn star. His jaw drops.

After about 30 seconds of this kid standing in front of the screen, frozen in the hypnotic spell of ass, mouth, ass, mouth, ass, mouth… he turns to her asks her a question, and I hear her say, “I was gonna tell you.”
Click to expand...

Rogan talks to the kid a little later and...

“Hey man, can I talk to you for a second?” At this point in time it was pretty clear that he didn’t know anyone here, and he looked like he needed a friend to talk to so I didn’t even feel bad for prying.

“Are you dating that chick?” “Um… well sorta. This is our first date.”

“Did you know that she did this?” The kid starts laughing, “No, I had no fucking idea. I just met her out at a bar the other night. She told me she was a makeup artist.”
Click to expand...

mike311gd · Dec 5, 2008

dooley_womack1 said:

Walked right into a perfectly Windexed glass door when picking up my date for a junior-year high school dance. Needless to say, no face was fucked.
Click to expand...

I was outside the hotel lobby, trying to get the courage I needed to ask out my future girlfriend, and I decided tuck in my dress shirt. So I've got my pants unzipped, and she walks outside and sees me. A little flustered -- emphasis on little -- I say, "So, I wondering ... would you like to go to the banquet with me?"

"Yeah," she said. "I'd love to go."

"Great," I said. "Now I'll zip up my pants."

Tom Petty · Dec 5, 2008

friend of a friend said:

Tom Petty said:

friend of a friend said:

I'm confused.
Click to expand...

no. way.
Click to expand...

Yup.
Click to expand...

NFW.

KYSportsWriter · Dec 5, 2008

Yes way.

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"I was gonna tell you" -- your weird/horrible first date stories

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"I was gonna tell you" -- your weird/horrible first date stories

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