I need a new quest...

... for years, I've been searching for a KISS pinball machine -- 1978, Destroyer-like glass art -- in good, playable shape.

Well, in Dundas, Ontario, of all places, I found just such a beast. Perfect working order, lovingly restored, original glass, plastics, and playing surface. Even the cabinet's in decent nick.

And now, after a long-ass haul yesterday and this morning, it's in my living room.

Today, I have played about 4,682 games of pinball, while somehow maintaining a boner the entire time.

But so endeth my life's most recent big quest. This follows the end of my life's other big quest: Finding someone with a third nipple. I asked just about every new person I met whether they had one, until this dude, Marc, said "Yeah!" and pulled up his shirt, exposing a petite third nipple, matted over with rib hair.

As happy as I am to have completed these immense challenges, I am now in need of a new quest.

Suggestions, please.

 

For literally a decade I have been contemplating buying every Wayne Gretzky card ever made. I just know that's it's too much, too expensive and too time consuming.

My other goals are to never miss another Opening Day in Detroit, nor miss another Thanksgiving Day football game in Detroit.

 

This is not a quest, but rather a suggestion.

Look on the underside of the pinball machine. There should be a small notice that says "If your erection lasts longer than four hours, please seek medical attention."

 

I think I'd like to do two chicks

 

Sue, I like the Wayne Gretzky thing, because it's finite. I like quests that can be finished. Your other goals, while totally sweet, have no end point, at least until you're dead.

I have a Gretzky second-year card, if you want to trade it for, I dunno, some kickass police boots.

And Ace, this machine, fortunately, comes with a glory hole. Inside the cabinet is a reasonable facsimile of Gene's tongue.

 

Jones, ol' buddy ... in your previous quest, did you happen to come across a working version of Jacks Open, '70s style? (pant-pant-pant)

 

Not that I remember, Shottie. I've been in more basements and barns than you could shake a dick at over the past few years, and not just to hump teenagers and livestock. I might have seen one along the way. I'll check my photo logs.

I did almost spring for Galaxian yesterday. This dude also had Dragon's Lair and a vintage Playboy pinball machine.

He definitely didn't have Jacks Open. I just did a little checking -- Gottlieb made it, one of their last machines before going under. Came out in 1977, just under 3,000 units. I bet because of the bankruptcy, there are some mint units out there. I just saw pics of one is very good condition in someone's basement.

The one thing is, it has the old "dial-style" scoring mechanism. Tough to find one of those that isn't all gummed up.

Honestly, shottie, I'll check my files.

 

Try following that star...

 

Pinball at its finest.

 

Hey... do something on Sanjaya... cut his vocal cords, do his sister....or you could do his sister....

 

Two chicks at the same time.

Edit: Dammit, OTD. I guess I should have read the whole thread first.

 

Jones,

Did you run across any Rolling Stones pinball machines? My brother has the blackglass of one and I've always thought it would be the ultimate gift to get him the whole she-bang. Pending that lottery win, that is.