I love middle school basketball coaches

I don't cover that shit, but we let them submit briefs about their games if they want. Pretty damn easy way to kill space in slow weeks, and it keeps them happy. It also makes for some hilarious "stories."

(For the record, we edit the hell out of them, so this would never run, but it pretty typical of what we get)

This isn't even the best. A couple weeks ago we had a "they played hard and just got edged out, 55-2" or something like that. Or "in the locker room the team decided they would hold Bumblefuck in the third quarter. They did it! Bumblefuck's worst quarter was the third, and the Little Shits went on to barely lose 44-4."

I wish I was saving them.

 

Sounds like Bumblefuck needs a feature on them.

 

Why is Bumblefuck running up the score?

 

Hey, they try as hard as everyone else! They DESERVE the coverage!

 

Those Little Shits shouldn't have been talking shit before the game.

 

amen brother harley.

 

Got a phone call tonight from a guy who wanted to know if we ran JV scores... when I said "ummm, no," he wondered why. When I told him, it was like I crushed his spirit... I felt good about it...

 

there's a special place in heaven for folks like you, slapster. may god bless you.

 

You should have told him there's no Santa Claus, either, too. He probably would have hanged himself with his shoelaces.

 

A depressed Ed McShitz, father of junior varsity basketball standout Timmy McShitz, takes solace in a bottle of booze after being told that the Douchenozzle Daily News doesn't run JV scores.

 

mr. mcshitz's little boy is going to miss out on a free ride at a d-I school thanks to our boy, the slapster.

god bless him.

 

I like that a little better.

Anyway, I remember a varsity girls basketball call I took last season. The coach of the team told how they lost (approximately) 74-4.

Coach: "Yeah. We're pretty bad."
Me: "Sounds like it."

Needless to say, I had given up on the industry by that point. It felt good to just say what I really thought and not have to worry about bullshitting people.