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I just had to share this.

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by pressboxramblings07, Nov 13, 2007.

  1. We have a lady, who is 63, come in twice a week to help answer phones and take football and basketball boxes.

    She's always been a little "out there" and acts strange, but tonight proved my suspicions.

    Her daughter just called and said she got arrested for driving while impaired, because of her "medication." I still think it was booze, but I still think it's pretty funny.
  2. Ace

    Ace Well-Known Member

    It really could have been her medications, though.
  3. Steak Snabler

    Steak Snabler Well-Known Member

    Pretty funny, until the phones starting ringing ...
  4. Oh it could have, but I've always had a sneaky feeling she is a closet alcoholic.
  5. Bubbler

    Bubbler Active Member

    That's the most hilarious thing I've ever heard.
  6. Chi City 81

    Chi City 81 Guest

    Alcoholism and DWIs are laugh-out-loud riots.
  7. BYH

    BYH Active Member

    My grandma was an alcoholic.

    Nothing bonds my family better than swapping tales of Granny boozing it up.
  8. Should that be in blue font, Doc?

    I'll be the first to say that alcoholism isn't funny, but as far as I know for sure, it was just medication. Alcohol is just a sneaking suspicion.

    You just have to know her, I guess.
  9. TheSportsPredictor

    TheSportsPredictor Well-Known Member

    It's not PRETTY funny, it's REALLY REALLY funny!
  10. Idaho

    Idaho Active Member

    Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the American dream.
    About me, about you, about the way our American hearts beat way down
    in the bottom of our chests. About that special feeling we get in the
    cockles of our hearts, maybe below the cockles, maybe in the subcockle
    area. Maybe in the liver. Maybe in the kidneys. Maybe even in the
    colon, we don't know.

    I'm just a regular Joe with a regular job.
    I'm your average white suburbanite slob.
    I like football and porno and books about war.
    I got an average house with a nice hardwood floor.

    My wife and my job, my kids and my car.
    My feet on my table...and a cuban cigar.

    But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a man like me interested
    no way
    No, I've gotta go out and have fun at someone else's expense
    Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

    I drive really slow in the ultra-fast lane,
    While people behind me are going insane.

    I'm an asshole
    I'm an asshole

    I use public toilets and I piss on the seat,
    I walk around in the summertime saying "How about this heat?"

    I'm an asshole
    I'm an asshole

    Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces,
    While handicapped people make handicapped faces.

    I'm an asshole
    I'm an asshole

    Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song
    Ranting and raving and carrying on
    Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong...


    I'm an asshole
    I'm an asshole

    Know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado
    Convertible, hot pink, with whaleskin hubcaps and all-leather cow
    interior and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights... yeah! And I'm
    gonna drive around in that baby at 115 miles per hour, getting 1 mile
    per gallon, suckin' down quarter pound cheeseburgers from McDonald's
    in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers and when
    I'm done suckin' down those greaseball burgers I'm gonna wipe my mouth
    on the American Flag and then I'm gonna toss the styrofoam containers
    right out the side, and there ain't a goddamn thing anybody can
    do about it. You know why? Because we got the bombs, that's why Two
    words: Nuclear fuckin' weapons, OK? Russia, Germany, Romania, they
    can have all the democracy they want...they can have a big democracy
    cakewalk right through the middle of Tienamen Square and it won't make
    a lick of difference, because we got the bombs, OK? John Wayne's not
    dead, he's frozen! And as soon as we find a cure for cancer, we're
    gonna thaw out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off. You know
    why? Have you ever taken a cold shower? Well, multiply that by 15
    million times, that's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be.
    I'm gonna get the Duke and John Casavetti and Lee Marvin

    and Sam Peckinpaw

    and a case of whisky

    and drive to Texas...(HEY, HEY HEY!)

    Why don't you shut up and sing the song, pal?

    I'm an asshole
    I'm an asshole
    A S-S H-O L-E
    Everybody, A S-S H-O L-E
    Arf, Arf Arf, Arf Arf, Arf Arf
    Thoomph A-thoom-thoom A-thoom-thoom A-thoom-thoom

    I'm an asshole and I'm proud of it
  11. BYH

    BYH Active Member

  12. Chi City 81

    Chi City 81 Guest

    I don't believe in the blue font.
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