1. Welcome to SportsJournalists.com, a friendly forum for discussing all things sports and journalism.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register for a free account to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Access to private conversations with other members.
    • Fewer ads.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

I have a very rational hatred for the deli at the supermarkets

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by 93Devil, Jan 27, 2011.

  1. 93Devil

    93Devil Well-Known Member

    I hate the deli at my supermarket. I hate the deli at my old supermarket. I hate the deli at almost any deli I walk into.

    Why the hell do I have to wait 10 minutes when only one person is in front of me in line?

    Why the hell do I have to wait for an asshole ordering a half-pound of four different types of cheeses?

    Why the hell do they only have one employee in the deli when there is a very good fucking chance there will be multiple people waiting for sliced meat?

    Why can they never have their sale price advertised programmed into the register when I check out?

    Why do I have get behind the asshole that makes the only deli counter person working adjust the blade to give you a paper-thin slice of meat that you are looking for?

    Why do they have to weigh and re wrap every fucking time they change meats? Will this cripple the Kroger chain if they lose .1 pounds of Honey Ham a day?

    Here is my solution...

    Two employees at the deli at all times that work two separate lines. One line is for people with one or two items being sliced. Sort of like express. The second line is for assholes with three different types of cheeses and four different types of meats that take 15 minutes to do their order.

    Sweet Christ, with how things are micro managed these days, you would think the Deli would be a place where they want to get people in and out quickly due to the great profit margin.

    Ten years ago, I don't remember hating the deli. WTF happened?
  2. BYH

    BYH Active Member

    So it turns out you can call Roethlisberger and the rest of the Steelers all sorts of names, but heaven forbid you get in front of Devil at the deli counter. :D

    I agree you always seem to end up behind the guy or gal buying enough lunch meat to feed an Army, which annoys me b/c nine times out of 10 I just want a pound of ham. Makes me feel like a better human being to not gum up the works, though.
  3. Michael_ Gee

    Michael_ Gee Well-Known Member

    At our supermarket's deli counter, there are at least two people working and usually three. This helps a lot when older people purchase nine different items at a quarter-pound each, including several prepared salads. Do they have mini-picnics?
  4. JackReacher

    JackReacher Well-Known Member

    I'm the opposite. Going to the deli counter is one of my favorite things to do every week. Waiting 10 minutes -- maybe even 15 -- is so worth it because I goddamn love me some deli sammiches. I spend those 10 minutes dreaming of all the silly things I can put on my sammiches. Jalapenos. Onions (grilled or raw? Hmmmm). Any number of cheeses. Peppers. And do I want mayo or hot mustard? Or do I want to go outside the box a little bit and use some Thousand Island? Do I want regular white bread for my silly sammiches? Or do I want those delicious honey wheat sammich rolls?

    Going to the deli counter kicks all kinds of ass.
  5. mustangj17

    mustangj17 Active Member

    What happens if there are 15 people in line for one item and someone who meets your asshole threshold wants a variety of cheeses? Does he get to go straight to the front and jump the other 15? If the other person isn't busy do they have to only wait on people who are in their designated line?

    How do we intend to tell super market shoppers about this? Mass e-mail? Text messaging alert system? Airplanes flyer over head with banners?

    Here's another scenario: what if there are 15 people that are "assholes" ordering alpine lace cheese, swiss cheese, coldby jack cheese and pepper jack cheese and only one person ordering honey ham: after the honey ham person is gone can the 14th cheese ass hole go to the one person line? What if you show up right after the deli worker starts cutting his second variety of cheese (the swiss)... will you shank him? Or simply complain to management?

    Who will be in charge of the overflow? What if it is a busy shopping day like the Wednesday before thanksgiving or a Saturday morning in May? Will the manager help out as the third deli slicer? Or does he have to clear it with you first? What line would he work in? Does the store have to send another memo out?

    If the manager is busy fielding your complaint for the line, he won't have time to do other things, plus he still has to manage those memos about the changes to the deli line. So he probably needs to hire extra help. Speaking of extra help, he needs to have a department dedicated to the oversight of meat and cheese slicing. We will call this the Department of Meat and Cheese Control or DOMAC.

    The head DOMAC inspector has a four-year degree from a prestigious agricultural college. Since this isn't journalism he will command a $40,000 per year salary. As a result, meat and cheese prices will go up. And the aformentioned assholes won't be able to afford four types of cheese. They will have to buy the pre-packaged Kraft Singles that always appear to be wet and stick to sandwiches like legs on a plastic chair in the summer. Or, the assholes can go to the discount store like ALDI. In any event, prices will go up... your meat is now more expensive and there is an inspector who will be watching your every move to make sure you are always in the same line.

    And you can forget about ever getting an extra ounce of meat. With all the extra overhead the company has with advertising their new meat/cheese line policy they need to pinch every penny they can get. They are going to weigh those suckers 4 times to make sure they are deadly accurate down to the last pimento loaf shaving.

    Really it's your choice if you want to set the wheels in motion. You won't have to deal with the cheese assholes anymore, but the price is going up and those planes are now flying right over your house probably disturbing your family when you are away at the store. It's all about what you want more. The store manager is standing by waiting for your decision as the Czar of Meat and Cheese Slicing.
  6. mustangj17

    mustangj17 Active Member

    I feel like I want to drive down to your neck of the woods, visit a local deli and then make ridiculously large and awesome sandwiches. Sorry in advance if this is creepy and sounds like a man-date.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 1, 2015
  7. Mizzougrad96

    Mizzougrad96 Active Member

    Publix needs to go nationwide. Best sandwiches ever.
  8. slappy4428

    slappy4428 Active Member

    Hands down...
    And when I read this thread title (before I saw who started it), my first instinct was to think "Why is Ragu going to the deli? He's a vegetarian."
  9. MileHigh

    MileHigh Moderator Staff Member

    Damn straight. Miss Publix. A lot.
  10. JackReacher

    JackReacher Well-Known Member


    Wegman's > Publix.
    Harris Teeter > Publix.
  11. 93Devil

    93Devil Well-Known Member

    You don't shop much for groceries, do you?

    There are never 15 people waiting at the deli counter. Five tops, unless you are at a Wal Mart.

    I would love for it to work like a Sheetz or WaWa. Just punch my order on a computer screen in and then go shopping. When I am done shopping, I walk by the deli counter and grab what I ordered. If it's not done, I keep shopping or hit the magazine rack. But standing around for 10-15 minutes before I can even order?

    Come on.
  12. imjustagirl

    imjustagirl Active Member

    They had this at the Stop n Shop I went to in Connecticut. Of course, the trade off was that meat up there was like $7.99 a pound. For the crappiest turkey. Bleah. But yeah, I went to a little kiosk, put in "1 pound turkey", picked what kind, picked the thickness of the cut, and it gave me a number and an estimated wait time. They paged you over the loudspeaker when it was ready.
Draft saved Draft deleted

Share This Page