I Found a New Drug

So, middle of the night, wake up with searing pain in my guts. We're talking the sort of pain that makes you think about getting in the car and driving off the nearest cliff.

Tried to stick it out for a while and then thought, "Dude, you're Canadian. Get thee to Emergency."

After describing my symptoms, and flat-out begging for pain relief, I was blessed by a kindly doctor who jacked me up with a tub full of morphine.

Now, I've had morphine before, more than most people I would guess, and I liked it just fine, but last night, it was as though I'd been kissed by a goddess. My pain went away, I hazed out for a while -- even the sounds of the hospital were suddenly music to me -- and then I slipped into the deepest, most blissful dreamless sleep of my life.

Woke up to find that I have a stone in my gallbladder that I could play eighteen with, but you know, it was almost worth it just to find morphine again. It was so good, I think I will become the first modern-day morphine addict, like Sherlock Holmes and those old Chinese opium dudes with the crazy-ass mustaches rolled into one.

But before I take the plunge into these cooling waters -- and in the wait until I can find a morphine dealer on my block -- I ask of you, my fellow addicts, gamblers, and thieves: Give me your best trip stories.

And then together, we can watch Intervention at ten o'clock and lament the errors of our ways...

 

My ex has some health problems and as a result has a medicine cabinet full of pills.
One night I was complaining of a vicious headache. The worst of my life and she was like, "I can take care of that."
I could have sworn I heard angels sing when she showed me her stash.
She literally had 10 different kinds of pain medicine and she gave me these little white pills, roughly the size of those mini M&M's and gave me instructions. "Take one and be prepared to sleep."
I don't know the name of the pill, but after I took it, my headache went away in about 10 minutes. I was asleep 10 minutes after that. I slept and slept and slept. Night turned to day as the sun caught fire and still I slept.
Then I started itching. I would wake up for a few seconds and scratch my hip, then I would fall back asleep. It would be repeated, but this next time it was my shoulder. Followed by my neck. I woke up to find myself covered with these long scratches, it was odd price to pay to get rid of my headache, but it was worth it.

 

I get REALLY bad migraines that nothing seems to take care of, so my doctor prescribed hydrocodone for me. I don't take them often, but now I'm moving and I will be taking one tonight because I feel like I'm dying.

They also prescribed them to me when I had a BAD case of viral pharyngitis and couldn't sleep the pain was so bad. It was a nice thing to have because they make me sleep so hard unless I haven't eaten, then I wake up in the middle of the night and my stomach is on fire.

 

Are we talking prescription trips or do acid trips at Rainbow Gatherings count?

 

One night in New Mexico a bunch of us newsroom buddies congregated on Hemlock Street to watch the World Cup game between the U.S. and Portugal, kickoff at 10 p.m. I was still new to cocaine. My love affair with it was fresh and cosmic. Cocaine was my new candy. Goddam, I was so in love.

So, I'd given the No. 2 guy in sports 4 or 5 days off to go to San Antonio so he could enter his outrageous film in the San Antonio Film Festival. I'm a good sports editor that way, in that if you need a few extra days off, I've give 'em to you without blinking twice. This kid ushered me into the world of cocaine. He brought a shitload with him to San Antone but didn't do it all and came back with a miniature Rock of Gibralter. As a thank you for giving him the time off, he gave it to me. Jonesy, this rock was probably the same size as the stone in your kidney.

About 15 minutes before kickoff, I excuse myself into the bathroom and chop 2 HUMONGOUS GAGGERS -- enough to kill small farm animals -- and ripped one through each nostril. Typing this sentence is giving me the tingles because I remember exactly how I felt at that moment. I miss that moment.

I go back into the living room and sit on the couch. The other guys are drinking and getting ready for kickoff, which is minutes away. The atmosphere is festive. We all think the U.S. can beat Portugal. The game starts, and the coke begins to take effect. Oh. My. Fucking. God. True love rekindled over and over again. For the next 45 minutes I felt my spirit, my body, my mind, my soul latch onto a rocketship and explode toward the stars and beyond. I soared to the furthest reaches of the universe. Orgasmic. And then the U.S. scored a goal! We went nuts and screamed and hugged each other, and I've never enjoyed hugging my brethren more than right now. I felt fantastic. Utterly fucking fantastic.

I did THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS worth of coke during the next year, all of the highs wonderful. None of them compares to the one I enjoyed the night I snorted the Rock of Gibralter and rode a rocketship into the farthest universe, and beyond.

 

Before the days of meth making, cold medicine with ephedrine/pseudoephedrine was the shit.

One night I took twice the suggested dosage, then covered a board meeting. The story turned out pretty well, except one sentence was missing a word. And not a, an or the.

Slept pretty well that night, too.

 

i've suffered from severe headaches/migraines for almost 20 years. in the '80s, fiorinal did the trick. it claimed to cause drowsiness, but the unreal sensation of being in such severe pain to within an hour feeling normal was incredibly energizing.

today, the migraine drug of choice is imitrex. oh, what a feeling!! to have a skull-breaking, nauseating headache one minute to being a functioning human being the next is the greatest feeling in the world. ;D ;D ;D

yup, better than sex. sex is unthinkable when this sort of headaches strike. without imitrex, there would never be sex.

 

Nitrous at the dentist's office can be fun, too.

 

Whippits, too.

 

Whip it good.

 

No comment.

 

I wish Imitrex did the trick for me. I was on topamax for awhile. That did the trick pretty well, but on that medication, it's so strong that once the body is used to it, a missed dosage means every appendage in the body falls asleep.... including cheekbones. That scared me a bit so I laid off the topamax and just cry for awhile when I get migraines now.