I defy any man not to stare. ... and assorted other NYC subway musings

The gay pride parade was in NYC today, so there were a lot of people out wearing things telling the world that they are gay or lesbian. You saw it all over the city today.

I just got on the subway to come home after a long day and there was a woman standing smack dab in front of me. She had fairly large breasts. I am normally not the type of guy who ogles women's breasts, especially when I am tired, like I am, because my head is typically a thousand miles away when I am on the subway. But this woman was wearing a really tight T-shirt accentuating her breasts. ...and across her breasts there were three lines of writing:

I am queer
So go [/spread out so each word was smack dab in the middle of each breast]
FUCK YOURSELF

Now, I defy any man not to stare at that. I couldn't help myself. Each time I looked away and tried to concentrate on something else, it felt forced, so my head naturally swiveled back and slightly down to look at the shirt.

So naturally, this woman--who apparently lost the memo that "gay" and "angry" are antonyms--catches me looking down at her T-shirt and says (with a bit of a snarl), "What the fuck are you looking at?"

I didn't really think about it, but it was obvious she was trying to intimidate me or make me sputter, and I didn't. I calmly said, "Your tits." So she gets really agitated and yells (really loud), "Don't fucking look at my tits." Now people are looking. But I stay calm and say, "If you don't want me to look, why did you put a billboard across them?" Two of the people standing near us are watching all of of this and laughing. And she throws a little body fit and manages to squeeze through some people and get away from me, even though it was a really crowded subway car.

Fine by me. But when she walks away, I notice that behind the space where she had been standing, there is this Jameson's ad I have seen a zillion times on the subway. The ad has a glass of whiskey with ice cubes shaped like an erect penis (it's ridiculously blantant) sticking out of the glass. Just perfect. Well, not all that perfect. Isn't it kind of savage to drink Jameson's with ice in it, and if you are going to put ice in perfectly good whiskey, do you really want to arrange the ice cubes so they look like a penis?

By then, I should have known this wasn't going to be any ordinary trip home. The subway was crowded because it had taken forever for a train to come through and a crowd of passengers built up. After all of that, I finally get near my stop. The subway pulls into my stop. ...and the doors don't open. The dipshit conductor says, "stand clear of the closing doors," (the doors had never opened) and the train pulls out of the station while people are waiting to get off, and yelling "What the hell?!?!"

So I had to get off the train at the next station, switch platforms and wait for the same train going in the other direction.

Did I mention that the subway fare went from $2 to $2.25 today?

 

A little hard to make out from this, but here is the Jameson's ad that was behind her.

 

I plead the fifth. My girlfriend, whose place I was coming back from, knows about this message board and who I am on here.