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HS VB gamer

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by the_rookie, Sep 27, 2007.

  1. the_rookie

    the_rookie Member

    Weekly paper, small town. Let me know what you think.

    THE start of the volleyball season for the QEDHS Warriors senior boys looked promising, with a large, energetic crowd cheering them on for the season opener at home against the Atikokan Voyageurs September 18.
    But home court advantage failed to prevent the Warriors from making Senior Boys drop season opener in three sets mental mistakes and unforced errors as they lost
    three straight sets in their first games of the season.
    “Initially, we played extremely well,” said Warriors head coach Bob O’Donohue. “We certainly played a lot better offensively than the Atikokan team did, but unfortunately we made far too many mistakes that were unforced.
    “We got caught out of position (and) had trouble at times with serve reception.”
    The Warriors started off strong and dominated in the early part of the first set, but lost their momentum when the Voyageurs took an 18-13 lead by scoring seven consecutive points.
    From there, the Warriors scored only three more points before losing the first set 25-16.
    In the second set, things began to unravel for the Warriors as plays began slipping through their fingers.
    The Warriors trailed by as much as seven in the second set, which they lost 25-22.
    In the third set, the Warriors showed improvement by taking a 15-8 lead. However that woke up the Voyageurs and they responded with a 10-1 run to take the lead.
    The Warriors failed to catch up again and lost the final set 25-23.
    “We certainly started off strong and I thought we had the game undercontrol for the first part, but after that it was far too many mistakes,” said O’Donohue.
    In the earlier part of the match, noted O’Donohue, the team had some good passing and some good attacks.
    On Thursday, the Warriors made up for the loss in their second game of the season by beating Whitefish Bay 3-1. The Warriors lost the first set 25-17, but responded by
    winning the next three 25-16, 25-23 and 23-18.
  2. Angola!

    Angola! Guest

    Just a few small things. I'll let the main workshoppers do the heavy duty work.

    1. In volleyball, it is games inside of a match. Sets are reserved for tennis.

    2. Why didn't you lead with the match they won on Thursday, rather than opening with the match they lost?

    3. You should interview a player even if they lose, just to get some better perspective than coach-speak.

    4. Watch your AP style. September shouldn't be spelled out. It should be Sept. 18.

    5. I honestly didn't know they played high school boys volleyball.
  3. jgmacg

    jgmacg Guest

    Hey, rook --

    Thanks for posting with us. I've made a couple of suggestions in the line edit above. And take Angola's notes on the rules of volleyball, too. Always try to brush up on the rules and terminology of the sport you're running out the door to cover. It's more homework, certainly, but that's how you learn this stuff. And that sort of knowledge is a must for a well-rounded sports writer.

    Oh, and your opening line is a plausible start for a fine detective novel. "Weekly paper. Small town."

    Please keep bringing us your work if you find the Workshop helpful. In the meantime, we thank you again for sharing it.
  4. the_rookie

    the_rookie Member

    Thanks guys. I'll take this advice into my writing this week.
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