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How to deal with a breakup

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by RedHotChiliPrepper, May 29, 2006.

  1. Buck

    Buck Well-Known Member

    Well, eight months isn't that long.
    And it sounds as if there was a compatibility issue anyway.
    She had a problem with your schedule and didn't want to move.
    It's always best to end things earlier than later.
  2. farmerjerome

    farmerjerome Active Member

    Take some time for yourself when you get home tonight. Ditch all her stuff, hide the pictures, listen to some sad songs.

    Just remember that when you wake up tomorrow, that's the first step in putting it behind you. I'm a big supporter of giving yourself a little bit of pure grieving to start the process.
  3. silvercharm

    silvercharm Member

    17 years here. And two kids, too. Takes a little give and take -- sometimes more give than take -- but it can be done.

    As Dennis Quaid said once in a movie of which I can't recall the title: "You find the right person to get into the fox hole with. And when you step out of the fox hole, keep your dick in your pants."
  4. wickedwritah

    wickedwritah Guest

    I have let breakups consume me, and this is my word of advice: don't be a dumbass like Wicked.

    21's right about the bad shit never resolving itself. Very rare do two people change as much as is needed to make the thing work, especially when you're young and more hard-headed.

    And Moddy, I'd love to hear your brown helmet advice. Wish my dad was that forward with me back in the day.
  5. leo1

    leo1 Active Member

    i'd go even farther. take some time for yourself over the next few weeks and months. as you posted originally, that doesn't mean go on a month-long bender. the relationship is over and that sucks. but look at yourself and your life and do things for yourself. sounds like you're already thinking about it now that your friends are gone or going soon. get a hobby. play a sport. join a gym. teach yourself to cook. take that vacation you've always wanted to take. build a birdhouse. whatever you like...just do things for you for a few weeks or so and slowly the pain will lessen.
  6. e4

    e4 Member

    the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else... i forget who said that but it's true

    and my unsolicited hunch is part of you wants to date your best friend who is a girl. unless you're will and she's grace, there's gotta be some chemistry there. don't do it right away, that screams lonely and desperate, so give yourself some time for just yourself -- it's a great thing if you embrace it -- and then take a look around, figure out what you want, and have fun.
  7. Smallpotatoes

    Smallpotatoes Well-Known Member

    I still haven't gotten over one from 17 years ago. I still think about her a lot, but I know I'll never see her again. I wouldn't even know where to find her and that's probably for the best.
    Obviously, it just wasn't in the cards, but knowing that doesn't make it feel any better.
    I remember hearing a comedian talk about that saying "There's someone for everyone."
    "What if the one for me died at birth or what if I gave her the finger when she cut me off on the freeway?," he said.
    Sometimes that's the way I feel.
    I guess I've gotten on with my life as best as I could. I put a lot of energy into my work. I have friends and interests that take a fair amount of time and energy. I enjoy spending time with my nieces and nephew. Those things help.
    For the last two years, I've been seeing somebody off and on, just having dinner or lunch with her. It's not serious, at least not yet. I don't know if I want it to be serious and I have no idea where it will take me, but I do enjoy her company.
    I think after all these years I'm finally starting to recover.
  8. GimpyScribe

    GimpyScribe Member

    I hate to say it, but time is the only cure, my man.

    We've all been through it and it sucks. The last breakup I went through was very difficult. She and I had a lot in common, we would spend hours on the phone and with each other. We loved being together. But, every once in a while, I would see that wall go up. I literally could see it in her eyes. At times, she would tell me how ''right'' our relationship felt. And, at other times, when I talked about the future ... wall.
    Finally, I demanded an explanation and she told me that her previous relationship left her emotionally scarred and that she wasn't ready for a commitment (despite the fact that it was she who pursued me and it was she who would call, wanting to spend time togther). She said that I was rushing her, which amazed me cuz every other girlfriend I had ever dated had always said I was too slow.
    So, I told her that maybe we should cool it for a while. We ended up not talking for a few months.
    Then one day in September, just about 5 months after we had last spoken, I found out that she was engaged to be married ... yes, the same girl with commitment issues had agreed to make a lifelong commitment.
    To say that screwed me up mentally is an understatement. The worst is wanting an explanation, but never getting one. Was it me? Was it just her issues and I was the random guy/victim? I went through anger, hurt, betrayal, mistrust of women, etc., etc. But eventually, it got easier and easier and I was able to trust again.
    Though I don't have a steady girlfriend now, I took that relationship as education. I learned from it and hopefully, it'll make me a better boyfriend/husband someday.

    Also, some friends of mine saw her recently and she's gained a ton of weight and her husband is short, chubby and balding. It couldn't have happened to a nicer girl.  ;D
  9. cougargirl

    cougargirl Active Member

    First, you grieve. Take a day off to mope, cry, pout, vent to friends ... it's very, very cathartic and ultimately therapeutic.

    After a serious relationship three years ago, I didn't do that. I didn't take any time to get upset about the breakup (which was ugly - he was a little weasel and that's only the beginning of that) and tried to get over it by getting right back in the game. Going out on dates three or four days of the week, meeting people at the gym, at the grocery store, out at the pubs, on hiking trips and so forth.

    All of that time I kept all of my anger, frustration, sadness and hurt inside of me ... and took it out on someone else a month after the breakup. A former coworker of mine, someone whom I respected and confided in, and that was the beginning of the end of that working relationship with that person.

    But definitely, move on and keep going. Don't rush yourself back into the dating thing, because you'll essentially try to find someone exactly like the former s.o. Which won't happen.

    Still, one of the best pieces of advice I ever got after a breakup, but never took advantage of?

    "Go to Club Med for a week."
  10. 2muchcoffeeman

    2muchcoffeeman Well-Known Member

    Living well is the best revenge.

    Burning all the mementos of the relationship --- along with any stuff she left with you --- in a big bonfire works, too.
  11. Flash

    Flash Guest

    Good Lord, it's been three years since the big breakup and I still haven't gotten rid of some of that shit! But it's jerseys and bobbleheads and other Yzerman stuff that he gave me as presents. I'm gonna put it all on ebay soon, though.
  12. Who Knows

    Who Knows Member

    Keep the Yzerman stuff. Whenever he retires (whether its very soon or he plays another year), that stuff will go up in value.
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